Saturday, February 17, 2007

Elusive sleep and monkey minds

Last night was big time monkey mind -- I turned out the light about 1, but I heard the clock chime 2, 3, 4 -- at which point I contemplated getting up --and finally fell asleep before I heard 5.

I wasn't especially restless, but elusive sleep is not particularly fun. I kept visualizing a few of my intentions; I made grocery lists; I watched the breath in and out; I matched my breathing to Tony's. Eh. Nothing worked.

The prime suspect is two cups of coffee with dinner. I thought it was decaf. Apparently not.

I expect to sleep tonight, however, and am nearly ready to head for the bed. I will cuddle down under flannel sheets with a new memory foam pillow and my bear and my husband and two cats, and hope that sweet sleep happens quickly.

My baby girl turned 31 today -- she has her usual birthday cold, so hasn't felt like celebrating much. The time just flew. I remember so well that tiny child, the willful toddler who told me emphatically "You cook!" when I'd told her to do something other than what she was doing. Recently I came across pictures of her 16th birthday party...I wonder where those kids are now. I am so blessed to have her as a friend and as my daughter! She is funny and smart and assertive, and I'm very proud of her. I just wish we lived closer together -- we've spent so little time together in the last several years, and I miss her, miss hugging her.

We saw Camelot last night, the beautiful 1967 movie with Richard Harris and Vanessa Redgrave. I knew every word to every song, and it was as wonderful as I remembered it, and yes, I did get puddly when Guinivere meets with Arthur at the end, hair cut short because she'd entered a convent, and with tears pouring down her face and in her voice, tells Arthur that she hopes that one day he will forgive her...*sniffle* Such a lovely love story...really...

I've always loved the Arthurian stories and savored every word of TH White's The Once and Future King, from which the movie draws heavily. And I've read and re-read The Mists of Avalon, a slightly different take but wonderfully descriptive, and I love the ending where the Goddess and Mary, mother of Jesus, blend. It makes such sense.

Skip...skip...swing...the monkey mind lives again tonight...

I'm reading Barbara Delinsky's Together Alone.

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