Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Living in gratitude

It's not that things are all rosy-posy and life is smooth. Rather the contrary.

But I am floating on a cushion of prayers and love that has just been amazing to me, and I am neither anxious nor immobilized. I'm doing what I need to do fairly effectively, I'm not spinning about things I neither caused nor can control. I'm asking for help when I need it.

And I'm grateful.

Today I had an out-of-town appointment and drove a couple hours down CA 99E -- a mostly two-lane road that is not a barrel of laughs when it's sunny and dry. It was raining most of the way, not torrential downpours, but rain.

It was actually very easy and very beautiful.

In the first place, I'm so grateful to see rain again and seasonable temps! We've had some good rain in the past couple of days, and the prospects for more stretch out for at least the next 10 days. Our highs and lows are where they should be, not in the 70s. It's wood stove time again, warm fuzzy sweats, sweaters. I love it.

And even though it's way too early, the orchards are starting to bloom, so there were little stars of pink and white sparkling through much of that drive. Further south, there were fields of a bright yellow flower -- not sure what it is, maybe mustard? -- that absolutely popped in the grey drizzle, especially against stark, dark trees that aren't ready to bloom.

I thought about how fortunate I have been to have the wonderful, supportive husband I do, who I love and cherish more than I'd ever dreamed I could. I thought about how lucky I am to be the mother of two daughters who, despite all their difficult issues and heartaches, give me great joy. I got to raise one of them from birth; the other since she was 16. Yeah, they drive me nuts sometimes and I want to shake them until their teeth rattle, but I wouldn't have missed it.

I am grateful that I live in this beautiful state, that I get to experience living so close to the land and the seasons. On the drive back home, the sun came out and through the clouds over the eastern mountains, little pockets opened up here and there and I could see snowy slopes that were almost pink from the sun's reflection. (And I wondered WHY oh why I don't always travel with my camera~!)

I love coming back to our house and its familiar warmth, not just from the stove, but because it is a place we created, that we filled with love and memories of our families. I love that our kitties miss us and are all over each of us as we browse through e-mails and read blogs and news. I like knowing that in a few minutes I'll head for bed, and they'll be right there, ready to cuddle down and guard us while we sleep.

I'm grateful for people who offer unanticipated support and caring words, for people who want to help others get better, for understanding. I'm grateful that so many people in this world are truly good people.

I'm very much living in the moment, doing what needs doing, taking care of business, but not going into the what-ifs and potential ice weasel territory. Tony says I'm compartmentalizing; I'm not sure that is it exactly -- it's just the way I'm living my life, all parts of it, for right now.

May you find blessings wherever you look, no matter what's going on around you.

1 comment:

april said...

Thanks, Beth, for your perspective. I have the same feelings about coming back to our house, even if the kids do leave their shoes in front of the door and I trip over them. The pile of little shoes won't always be here, someday the kids will be gone...but the fun memories and the good feelings are sure to stay. Not all homes have that feeling and we are blessed with what money cannot buy =)