Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Reverb11 -- Day 28 -- Forgiveness and thought

#1 Prompt: Forgiveness - What one thing do you need to forgive yourself for this year?

#2 Prompt:  Thought: What new thought, idea or action have you taken this year that gave you a true sense of freedom?

#1 -- I need to forgive myself for those blasted 20 lbs that have slowly gone back on over the last several years, despite my being able to lose 10 of them (and gain 'em back) more than once this year. And a few other things...

I am so very critical of myself in so many ways: I know the weight must come off in order to keep this body physically in better shape and to better control the things I actually have some power over; I still have that too-big-too-tall-too-loud-too-opinionated image of myself, although every year some of that goes away as I accept more about who I am and how I look (you'd think I'd be so over that by now, hm....); and dredging up past embarrassments and shoulda-coulda-wouldas is so totally pointless, since it's a damned sure thing that nobody but me remembers them. I've actually forgiven myself  this year for those, and given myself permission to never think of them again. Or, as my angelic counselor Jessie would tell me, I've 'thanked them, blessed them, and sent them to God' to deal with.

Good idea for 2012 too.

#2 -- Well, this keeps coming back to that Mary Oliver poem and 'aha' moment, doesn't it! Finally realizing that the only life I can save is my own was a HUGE step forward for me. I suppose that sounds a little silly -- but it's one thing to understand something intellectually, and quite another to actually 'get' and accept the truth in one's heart and gut.

Actually absorbing  that truth down to the very marrow of my bones has given me the freedom to not only stop putting off enjoying my own life, despite the troubles and issues of those I dearly love, but also to be more proactive about taking steps to make my life better, healthier, and happier. I've been able to do all of these things this year, one step at a time, and I do feel that I'm in a better place all the way around this year because of these choices.

1 comment:

Sherry said...

LIfe is just a series of forgetting and remembering. The truth is you are perfect and always have been. Forgiving is the most powerful tool in our spiritual toolbox. The best forgiving is that of ourselves. Blessings, Sherry

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