Monday, January 26, 2009

I may be dumb...

but I'm not stupid.

But I'm beginning to wonder about our daughters. After about a month living together and trying to pick up some of the pieces of their lives that have been broken and move forward, they're both back in the same ol' same ol' stinking thinking modes.

At least that's what it seems like. Lies, by intentional omission as well as just plain old lying to my face, are thick, fast, and everywhere. (did I mention how much I hate lying? how much I've always hated lying?)

And they must think I'm a real dullard -- i.e., both dumb AND stupid -- because they keep telling me (or not telling me) stories that are so transparent you could read through them. And then are surprised when I call them on it. And they're just not talking to Tony, maybe because they're a little more intimidated by him than by me. (big mistake, girls....)


So we're back to boundaries, I guess, and they aren't gonna like the new ones.

We don't either.

It's tough to watch your children go through hard times. It doesn't get any easier even when they keep making the same mistakes over and over, keep going back into the same situation hoping to see different results.

Albert Einstein apparently had some experience with this kind of behavior. He said, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

He also is the author of this quote: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

And yet another, one I've heard for a long time: "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."

It's not like the girls haven't heard us say this. Both of them grew up with such tidbits from our respective mouths. Apparently it hasn't sunk in with them. And there are days I despair of it ever doing so with either of them.

Boundaries are hard to draw when you're dealing with someone you love. But folks, this is the only life we get (far as we know anyway). I am not going to spend what I have left of my life allowing someone else to drive what I do because of their actions and dramas.

So I'm saying: I love both girls dearly. I will never stop loving them, no matter what they do. But I will not allow their choices to interfere with how I want to spend the rest of my life. I am not responsible for their choices. I am responsible and accountable for mine.

WE determine our own destiny.

1 comment:

Tammy said...

I haven't said hello in a long time, but I still check in on you. It seems we have such parallel lives. I'm going through this with my son right now, and I just had to make the hard choice to tell him it's time to leave. He's 19, and doing the same thing daily and thinks he can get something better out of life.

I have to thank you again for your words of encouragement and the hope and knowledge that someone else knows how hard it is to push a child out of the nest and hope to see them fly.

Take care of yourself and you are doing the right thing. We both are.