#Reverb14, Day 22-23

Day 22: Thank You Note: Write a thank-you note to someone who broke your heart, or made your life harder than it needed to be. Bonus points for sharing it here.

Day 23: I never thought I’d…: What did you think you’d NEVER do.  But you did this year.  Why?  What changed your mind?

I'm hard-pressed to think of someone this year who fits the Dec. 22 prompt criteria. While there certainly have been those who made my life harder than it needed to be, that wasn't without my permission, if not expressly, by default. And breaking my heart? Oh. That has happened so many times with one child or another, but that's over time, not just this year. In fact, this year probably had less of that than there has been in many years, for which I am so truly thankful --- and aware that it could change at any moment. 

When we love someone, we offer our hearts up to be broken if we truly love them. We trust that all kindest care will be taken by the other party, of course, but that trust has sometimes been broken in my experience. And it is devastating. But you learn. Or you don't. I don't trust nearly as readily as I once did, and I am far slower to offer trust, at least fully, than I once was. But I still believe that someone to whom I give my love and trust will give theirs back to me -- and even though that has sometimes proven false, I still try. 

Sometimes when things are harder than they need to be, there are lessons to be learned -- that nasty old patience one, for instance. And sometimes life is just hard. You put one foot in front of the other and walk one baby step at a time. Eventually things will lighten up.

2. Last year -- any year, for that matter -- at this time I would never have imagined that I'd have an ablation on my heart, allowing doctors to thread a catheter up my femoral artery, poke a hole in my heart, and burn tiny little patches throughout it. I barely knew what it was.  

But I did it. I'd do it again. 

Because of it, I am (so far) free from atrial fibrillation, that awful, nauseating, anxiety-producing flip-flop-hard-beats-that-aren't-regular in your chest.  I no longer have to take blood thinners or do monthly blood tests. I no longer bruise at the slightest bump. I am not worried about a stroke every time my heart acts up. 

I am lucky that I was a good candidate for the procedure: not everyone is. I am lucky that there is not significant damage to my heart because of afib. 

We do what we have to do. I had to do this in order to have a better quality of life. And in 2015, I'll continue that quest by regaining strength and losing weight.  

#Reverb 14, Day 18

1. What nourishes your soul? How would you like to incorporate more of this into your life in 2015?

2. Ah ha moment: Did you have an “ah ha” moment this year?  Was it a big one?  Or just a small enlightenment?

1. My reiki group began to meet early in 2014, and it has nourished the spiritual yearning within me all year, although I want more -- and we are bonding as a group and beginning to deepen what we're doing. I think there are more people hungry for spirit these days, and sometimes the traditional church doesn't quite fill all that need. The wonderful thing about the reiki/spirit group is that it is compatible with any religious practice, so doesn't replace church participation and membership or beliefs. I love that, not that I am a part of a church here, but some of our members are.

As we have gotten to know each other better, we are contributing talents and interests to shape what we are doing, and being open to opportunity to learn and experience more.

At one meeting, we brought drums or instruments and enjoyed a musical circle with lots of energy and rhythm, drawing spirit energy in a big way. One result of that meeting was that I now have my own drum, a heart spirit drum made for me by a craftsman that one of our circle knows well, and at least two more are ordering drums for themselves. 

At the Winter Solstice yesterday (clearly I'm writing this post a few days late!), we met at one of our group's home in the country and gathered by a little singing creek in a green meadow. It's been rainy here for most of December (and we aren't complaining since California has been in such a drought), but yesterday was fairly mild with only a slight mist in the air. We had a fire going to warm up our drums and ourselves, and we invited spirit with a wonderful drum and flute circle, ceremoniously discarded those things that no longer wish to carry with us, and set intention for the new year. We laughed, played, prayed, drummed, and welcomed the Return of the Sunchild to us. And then we ate chocolate and toffees and bourbon balls and cinnamon sticks and tangerines and persimmons and coffee and tea. It was a glorious day.

More of that. Every quarter at least. 

2. I don't remember a huge 'ah-ha' moment this year. There was a realization moment -- perhaps an 'ah-ha' -- when my cardiologist told us that I was the 'perfect' candidate for an ablation and that it could get rid of my afib and allow me, perhaps, to get off heart meds and blood thinners. I remember thinking "yeah, no, maybe in the future" and then went home and read about the procedure. Processed it, as I do with most major decisions. Resisted. Thought. Talked. Watched some videos. And then saw my doctor a few weeks later and told her I was ready to do it. The EP called me the next day to schedule an appointment. It could change the quality of my life completely. 

It has. 

I am off blood thinners and heart meds. I have been in normal sinus rhythm since Aug. 25. (and yes, I know that the heart can take up to a year to heal, and that yes, afib can come back). For now, I'm good. I'm so grateful. And it is a big 'ah-ha' to feel normal heart rate and rhythm EVERY DAY.

 

  

#Reverb 14. Day 16

1. Like many folks, I picture myself as a modern day Wonder Woman, trying to use my superpowers, to do lists and pure force to get what I want. In 2014, I found that my effort wasn’t often tied to my desired outcomes -- except when it was.

In 2015, is there something you’d like to try harder at because you believe it would make all the difference? 

Conversely, what is something you could stop trying so hard at that might actually help you manifest what you’d like?

2. 1000 Words: There’s the old saying that a photo is worth 1,000 words.  Give us a photo with that impact that sums up some significant event of your 2014, or give us 1,000 words about a pivotal moment in 2014.

Huh. 

I'm not just chomping at the bit to respond to either of these today. 

With #1, I'm just not in that mode of thinking anymore. Back when I was working and 20 years younger, yeah, it might have made some sense to practice or to reflect on this. 

Nowadays, I am more about taking care of my needs and paying attention to my physical issues, and doing what I can to mitigate those issues. I don't know that there is anything there I could 'try harder' to do that I think would make 'all' the difference. There are a few things I know I can do that will definitely make a difference -- the two primary ones being to lose some weight and to ramp up my exercise and flexibility program. But 'all' the difference? No. 

Neither is there anything I can stop doing that will manifest what I want -- which is to live peacefully and healthily for many more years. I am already doing things to help that along. I have stopped behaviors that were detrimental to that end, at least mostly. Eating is not optional, and I refuse to completely stop eating some of the sweet things I enjoy, but do try to make my consumption moderate. 

So no, I guess my response is that I am doing all I can, where I am, with what I've got right now. 

And regarding the picture -- I have already written a bunch of words about the significant event of 2014 -- yep. The ablation. The only picture that would adequately illustrate this is a 'before' picture of an EKG with me in afib, and an 'after' picture of an EKG with me in normal sinus rhythm. While I have the latter, I don't have the former. But picture a squiggly, uneven EKG for the former, and a nice, normal EKG for the latter. That's where I am now, and where, by the grace of God, I'll stay.

  

#Reverb14, Day 15

1. What are you really proud that you made happen in 2014, despite the gremlins? And what will you do anyway in 2015?

2. Soul food: What food did you discover this year?  Or maybe you discovered a new way to prepare your favorite food.  Or a new cookbook.  Or a new restaurant.  Tell us about your culinary adventures.


1. Here's the broken record again....I went to the cardiologist and EP for tests and monitors and an ablation...despite HUGE fear and anxiety and what-ifs and gremlins. Yay me!!! And I will continue to go in 2015. 

Seriously, that was an enormous step for me, overcoming 12 years of fear because of a misdiagnosed heart attack  that turned out to be a gangrenous gall bladder back in 2002. Finally instead of waiting until I actually DID have a heart attack or something else, I actively sought out a cardiologist who did testing and worked with me to determine what my issues are, and then went to an EP for the ablation which, hopefully, has fixed the afib and aflutter. If I still have issues surrounding the heart -- and that's likely, given my high blood pressure and family history -- I'll deal with them, one at a time. I want a quality of life and a freedom from that kind of unreasonable fear enough to continue to do that. 

2. Oh, I do love to eat and cook.  But I don't recall finding a new food this year. I did some stuff with quinoa again this year and liked it; I found a couple of good bread and muffin recipes using winter squash -- which we're not fond of as a veggie. But new? No.

So I'll share some of my favorite recipes, the ones I use often, or that are my 'go-to' recipes for potlucks and events.

Favorite dessert (although I seldom meet a dessert I don't like): Tiramisu Anacapri. As reasonably healthy as tiramisu can get. Everyone loves this stuff.

Favorite way to eat brussels sprouts: Addictive Brussels Sprouts Salad. Addictive might be a bit too enthusiastic, but this is a wonderful way to serve sprouts as a salad.

Favorite green salad: Apple, Bleu Cheese, Pecan Green Salad. From the Pioneer Woman. Big yum, and very easy to throw together.   

Favorite pasta dish (although I love pasta): Angel Hair Pasta Delight.  Use rotisserie chicken and you've got a very quick, easy, delicious meal. Especially good with fresh tomatoes and spinach from the garden. 

Favorite appetizer to take to gatherings: Marinated Ham and Cheese Buns. This always gets great reviews although there is nothing low-fat about it. I usually use whole wheat buns at least! 

Favorite cookie: Taku Lodge Ginger Cookies although with my own additions: I use slightly less ground ginger and add about a tablespoon of freshly grated ginger and 1/3 cup of chopped crystallized ginger. They are FABULOUS cookies. We got to eat them at Taku Lodge in 2001 and I've been making them ever since. These are best made as is -- they don't healthify with the same good results. 

We eat a lot of fresh food. I never buy frozen or boxed meal starters -- too expensive, too much sodium and other bad stuff, and it is very easy to cook from scratch, or nearly so. I confess I do use the ubiquitous 'cream of ...." soup in some recipes although I usually use the low fat low sodium versions. I do not use salt except in baked goods, figuring we can salt at the table if necessary. We eat a lot of fresh veggies and salads and fruits. I like to bake bread in my wonderful Zojirushi breadmaker -- better control over what goes into it -- although I do buy bread too, mostly based on carb counts and fiber. 

We eat a combination of a diabetic diet and an atrial fibrillation diet, and we are very consistent with the amount of veggies every day (the afib part of it), and also the carb counts per meal (the diabetic part of it). I'm grateful for the number of products now that are high fiber/low sugar.





 

#Reverb14, Day 13

1. Step one: set the timer for 5 minutes and write down as many answers as you can think of to the question: 'When and how was I brave in 2014?' Note: remember the private, intimate and small ways in which you were brave as well as the big public ways.

Step two: Choose one of more of those moments of bravery and write a letter yourself back at the beginning of 2014, letting you know how brave you are going to be that year.

Step three: Write yourself a short reminder to tuck into your wallet or post above your desk of just how brave you can and will be in 2015.

2. On writing: Chances are, if you’re participating in #reverb it’s because you like writing.  Or at least want to like writing.  Writing is like a muscle.  Use it or lose it.  What do you do every day to hone your craft?  Or, what would you like to do each day to contribute to your writing?

1. Well, you already know from these prompts that I think my bravest moments were centered around going to the cardiologist and doing some testing and then going to the electrophysiologist and getting an ablation. Each of those moments, each appointment or phone call, required a measure of bravery. Each side effect of the medications I was put on required bravery to power through and be patient. Each missed event because of how I felt also required bravery. And after the ablation, it was a bit like waiting for the other shoe to drop: I was hypervigilant about every twitch and twinge and throb anywhere in my chest. Scary things went through my head, but I tried to be brave about it.

I wouldn't have believed it had I an inkling at the beginning of 2014, honestly. So no letter. I have already written my love letter to myself.

And my touchstone in 2015 will be what it's been in 2014: if not now, when? That almost always requires bravery to answer.

2. I do love writing to prompts because it does require a commitment to writing every day, or at least planning to write daily. Sometimes I fall a few days behind, like today. But I'm here, I'm answering the prompt. And I'll post the result.

At our monthly Writers Forum meeting yesterday, one of our members told Tony that she writes a poem every morning. I like that. I like that we go to the Writers Forum meetings, although we've missed some, and associate with others who love the craft and are writing and publishing. I love the idea of writing a poem every morning. Poetry is a form I used to write long ago, and have worked at it off and on, mostly off. Maybe it's time to try it again and see what comes out. 

We also have chosen The Daily Writer as one of our morning readings for 2015, and there is a prompt every day. That may be good for both of us to stimulate our minds and writing.

#Reverb 14, Day 10

1. Generosity is free of obligations; it opens the heart, and creates warmth and connection between the giver and receiver. When I cultivate generosity the holidays become something I look forward to sharing with my loved ones.

Look back at the last year and consider: how did generosity open your heart? How can you cultivate generosity in the coming year?

2. Leap of faith: What decision did you make this year that was a leap of faith?  Did it work out?  Or not?

 1. I was especially blessed this year with friends who said prayers and/or sent me reiki energy for my cardiac ablation at the end of August, and a group of local women who spent time with me in reiki sessions to boost my energy and calm my fears before the procedure. The result was miraculous: I was not afraid at all to go into this procedure, and indeed felt as though I was literally cushioned with love and prayers both before and after it. That generosity has continued and has had great results too, as I have been afib-free, at least as far as I can feel it, ever since -- nearly four months now. 

Because of that kindness and loving energy, I have been available when others have needed help or prayers for themselves or their loved ones, and have been lucky enough to participate in several hands-on sessions to help people who are frightened or worried, in addition to including them in my own daily prayers.

There are some wonderfully generous people in our community who inspire and challenge me to be more generous as well with my time, my gifts, and through prayers and actions. I am so grateful to those who have shown me such generosity, and their actions make me want to reciprocate, to pay it forward and also repay it. 

2. I feel a bit like a broken record when I talk so much about the ablation, but it truly was not only a huge step for me in overcoming long-standing fear and anxiety, but also required a huge leap of faith. Ablation does not always work: often the heart can heal the burns a little too well and the afib or flutter comes back, requiring a second procedure, and sometimes even a third. Some people have had multiple procedures without relief. 

While it can take the heart up to a year to truly heal, I have passed the first nearly four months without recurrence of either afib or flutter, at least as far as I can tell. As part of the three-month evaluation I wore a monitor for two weeks which is still being evaluated, and I expect to hear from my cardiologist/electrophysiologist soon about the findings -- but I feel positive about it. And I'd do it again if I needed to. 

Talk about needing to trust! A skilled team threads a tiny catheter up your femoral artery to your heart, pokes a hole in the heart to get to the left ventricle, and proceeds to burn tiny wounds around the pulmonary veins and other areas where they find afib, which interrupt the wonky electrical circuit that causes these problems. 

So far, so good. I am so grateful!

#Reverb14: Day 9

1. As you enter into the new year, what would you like to do/make/have/be more often? How will you bear witness and celebrate the tiny milestones? How will you respond on the occasions when your intentions do not come to pass?

2. The Plank: It has been said that you must learn to take care of yourself before you can be effective at taking care of others.  How did you take care of yourself in 2014?  How will you take care of yourself in 2015?

Yesterday slipped away from me -- a long day of shopping for both donation gifts (for kids, through my Bunco group) and the beginnings of my own shopping. Got home and left 45 minutes later for the photo club Christmas party, and didn't get home from that until about 10. I was ready for bed.

1. In other words, what do I want to do with my life next year? I would like to spend much less time going to doctors, for one, and more time traveling with my honey. I want to feel stronger and steadier on my feet. I want to learn some new things and practice some of those I learned this year. I want to feel content and happy more often. 

With the afib issue looking far more positive and the painful foot issue scheduled for surgery in early January, my health concerns should be pretty much resolved. Time to make exercise and rehab a priority again and regain all the strength and balance I've lost over the past three years. Feeling better and stronger will mark that successful venture. And always there is the January diet plan that will kick in, which I'm hoping will work in tandem with the getting stronger and steadier routine. How will I know it is working? When I can walk easily without getting winded quickly, and when I don't feel unsteady. 

There are always slips and lapses. The important thing is not to abandon the effort because things are not progressing as quickly as I'd hoped or that I escaped back into comfort food for a while. This is truly a lifelong effort that is done one day at a time. 

That's all we ever get anyway, one day at a time. I can handle pretty much anything for one day. And I'm a lot better about not beating myself up all the time. I can do this and I want to do this. 

2. I can save one life --  mine. Since I read Mary Oliver's life-changing poem "The Journey," a few years ago, that has been my touchstone, but this has not always been the case.  And while my husband looks out for me constantly, he can only do so much: the rest is up to me. 

I took a very proactive path about my health in 2014 and will continue to do so in 2015, although I hope 2015 will be largely rehab-oriented and not quite so much medical procedure and medication-driven! 

I own my mistakes and my faults, but I don't own any one else's, nor can I manage another's life. I think I may finally understand this, hard though it is. I am finally living life doing what I want to do, putting me (and us, my husband and me) first, and that is a radical change. Nobody else gets to call the shots on what I do or don't do; nobody gets to make me feel guilty about it either. What a concept, eh?

More of this in 2015. Happier. Wiser. Stronger. More generous with myself and my love.  

#Reverb 14, Day 7

1. Please post your favourite picture of yourself from 2014, self-portrait or otherwise!

2. Victory Laps: What was your biggest accomplishment this year?

This was taken in June at Collier Memorial State Park in Oregon where we were camping, not that you can see much of it! 

2. My biggest accomplishment? Overcoming the extreme anxiety and fear related to my heart and atrial fibrillation to have a cardiac ablation in August. So far, so good.  

In no small measure, that is because of the reiki group and training I've had this year. I am so grateful to this little group of strong, spiritual, kind women who have helped me through the fear into a place of peace. 

 

 

Reverb 14, Day 3

1. It’s all too easy to put off loving where we are until everything is perfect. What can you love about where you are now?

2. Coulda woulda shoulda: What didn’t you do this year because you were too scared, afraid, unsure?  Are you going to do it next year?  Or maybe you don’t want to anymore?

1.  Y'know, I figured out a long time ago that if I waited until things were perfect before I did anything, I'd have put off my whole life to this point. I am trying to use the 'good' stuff -- the china, the silver, the crystal -- and not wear the holey undies because they still have a shred of stretch left in the gaping waistband but toss 'em and buy new ones. I am trying not to wait 'until' to do anything I want to do, because, honestly, we simply don't know when our last breath will be. 

That's the overarching thought that brought me to California 17 years ago now: I knew I didn't want to look back at my life when I was 80 (or 70, or 65, or EVER) and say 'I wonder what would have happened if....' So I up and left a marriage, a job, a whole life, and came here. It was THE BEST THING I ever did for myself. 

And I love where I am now. I love me, mostly. Oh yeah, there are things I don't like much, like the 20 or so extra pounds, the hitch in my getalong from a painful foot and hinky posture for several years, feeling so out of shape -- but I know what to do to change those circumstances and am doing it, step by baby step. It doesn't stop me from wearing clothes that fit and feel good and look cute, regardless of the damned size label. I wear makeup and get my hair cut and styled because it MAKES ME FEEL GOOD. I eat chocolate if I want it (okay, not in the quantity I sometimes want, but I will NEVER be one of those women -- and yes, I've actually heard friends say this -- who say, proudly, "I haven't had a Snickers bar in five years." Oh Lord God, that will NEVER, EVER be me. I eat dessert. Every day. Who wants to die on a day when you haven't tasted something sweet and delicious? 

Don't settle. Don't deprive yourself of something you love to eat or drink or do. Eat or drink in moderation -- a taste, not a ton. You are absolutely unique and amazing. Count your blessings.There are ALWAYS blessings, even if it is simply for hot water in the shower, or being able to turn on a tap and get a drink of clean water. Even when you are having a tough time, there are blessings. Find them. Love where you are.

2. Well, then. As I said yesterday, I think this year was HUGE for me in conquering a major fear, the one that when my doctor initially suggested an ablation, I shut down, determined to do ANYTHING other than climb onto a surgical table and invite a team of doctors to burn scars in my heart. Yeah. No. 

I did, though.

And I was calm, relaxed, and confident through the whole experience,, thanks to a lot of help from my local circle of reiki practitioners and friends, and my own determination to GET BETTER and feel better, and live my life on my terms as much as I can.

Stuff still scares me....mostly health-related possibilities, and people who I love getting sick or dying or becoming incapacitated. This year I've learned of one acquaintance who has gotten Lou Gehrig's disease, out of the blue, and is rapidly declining -- albeit with a positive outlook, from what I understand. Just this week I learned of the death of a high school classmate, an unexpected death, apparently, on the day after Thanksgiving, her favorite holiday, and days after celebrating her 45th wedding anniversary with the love of her life. Our 50th class reunion is less than a year away now, and she won't be there. 

I have no idea how long I will live (and don't really want to know) -- but I don't want to waste time worrying and being afraid or unsure, either. If I want to do something -- go somewhere -- and it is within my financial and physical abilities to do so, I intend to DO IT, and sooner than later. I don't want to put off anything, because nobody gets out of this life alive, and because we rarely know when it is our turn.  Carpe diem!

 

Reverb 14, Day 2

1. What unfinished projects from 2014 am you willing to release now? (Regret not required.)

2. Gorgeous | When did you feel beautiful this year?  Why?

Well, first off, I'm releasing the unfinished August Moon prompts. And whatever other writing prompts I did not complete for whatever reason. I got busy, okay? Or I didn't. Or there was something else I wanted to do instead. Or they just didn't grab me. It's all right.

There are unfinished tasks from this year that remain, but I also figure that when I get there, I'll finish them -- like filing paperwork from R's disability money -- that I released a year ago! Like cleaning the attic and pitching and organizing stuff up there that needs to be kept. Maybe in 2015. Ain't gonna happen in 2014.

You know, it really matters not one tittle what I am willing or not willing to release: this year is 29 days from being O-V-E-R. History. What I wanted to get done is likely something that no one else will ever remember, if they even knew about it to begin with. 

What I *did* get done was to have a cardiac ablation, hopefully to remain in normal sinus rhythm from here on. That was major. Huge, actually. I overcame all the fear and post-traumatic stress from a misdiagnosed heart attack 12 years ago (that was actually a gangrenous gall bladder!) and GOT. IT. DONE. 

We live one day at a time around here, at least as much as our sometimes too active imagination will permit. We take care of ourselves and what needs doing in this day, in this moment. If it remains undone and carries over to tomorrow, it likely wasn't a huge concern. That works. I expect it will going forward as well.

*****

My first thought on reading this "beautiful' prompt was "uh, not." I have never thought of myself as 'beautiful,' ever. Adequate, yes. Not scary, yes. Even sometimes pretty, especially my hair and eyes. But not beautiful.

But you know when I am most beautiful? When even I know it, right down to my pinky toe?

When my beloved husband looks at me and tells me so, the love shining so brightly from his eyes that I see myself as he does. He doesn't see wrinkles or veiny hands or blotchy skin. He doesn't see the thousand and one imperfections that my eyes do. He sees my soul, the one that adores him, loves our life together; the one that tries to be kind and gentle and caring, always to him, imperfectly to the rest of the world, but trying.

He makes me feel beautiful and cherished and so, so blessed.  Thank you, my sweet, for that gift.    

August Moon 14 Day 1 -- Setting an Intention

 I am late to this party, Kat McNally's lovely prompts for the 2014 August Moon. I knew I'd be writing them later because when they began, I was preparing for my cardiac ablation for atrial fibrillation, and that took most of my conscious energy.

I am happy to report that all went well, that so far I am in normal sinus rhythm and minus one heart medication. This process, not visible externally, takes at least three months for the doctors to pronounce it successful, and can take up to a year to heal. The heart has been violated, burned inside it, and there is no salve, no healing dressings that can speed recovery. Time is the great healer.

As soon as I read her outline for this series of writing prompts, I knew how very appropriate it would be for me this year, considering the ablation recovery process. So here is Day 1's prompt:

Set an intention.

On this first day together, in the light of the beautiful full moon, I invite you to share what is it that you want to explore over the next two weeks. In particular, I invite you to consider the crossroads at which you find yourself, in any aspect of your life.

Indeed, I do find myself at a crossroads: my atrial fibrillation is potentially eliminated (and my doctor found and burned three separate areas that were causing that rapid, irregular beat). And for much of the last three years I have slacked off on physical exercise, first because my left foot was so painful, then because I was recovering from surgery to fuse that ankle, and later because the afib became more frequent and those symptoms pretty much wiped me out.

So here I am: foot is as healed as it is likely to get (and doesn't hurt like it did), and my heart is beating quietly and unobtrusively away in a normal sinus rhythm. I have another chance at improving my physical stamina and overall health.

My intention, then, is to grab this second chance, this new beginning, and live better, happier, wiser, and more deeply. That means kicking up the level of physical exercise. That means being more conscious of what  and how much I am putting into my body. That means exploring the spirit that has so surrounded me during this ablation process and before, and actively seeking learning opportunities. That means eliminating as much stress as I can, be that caused by people, situations, activities, or thoughts. Up with meditation and calm; down with being with people who I don't especially enjoy or doing things that I am not passionate about. Up with saying NO when the little gut feeling hits; down with feeling 'obligated' to do something.

This quote, inaccurately attributed to Meryl Streep, sums it up so well for me:

“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.”--author/life coach José Micard Teixeira