Wednesday, December 31, 2014

#Reverb14, Day 22-23

Day 22: Thank You Note: Write a thank-you note to someone who broke your heart, or made your life harder than it needed to be. Bonus points for sharing it here.

Day 23: I never thought I’d…: What did you think you’d NEVER do.  But you did this year.  Why?  What changed your mind?

I'm hard-pressed to think of someone this year who fits the Dec. 22 prompt criteria. While there certainly have been those who made my life harder than it needed to be, that wasn't without my permission, if not expressly, by default. And breaking my heart? Oh. That has happened so many times with one child or another, but that's over time, not just this year. In fact, this year probably had less of that than there has been in many years, for which I am so truly thankful --- and aware that it could change at any moment. 

When we love someone, we offer our hearts up to be broken if we truly love them. We trust that all kindest care will be taken by the other party, of course, but that trust has sometimes been broken in my experience. And it is devastating. But you learn. Or you don't. I don't trust nearly as readily as I once did, and I am far slower to offer trust, at least fully, than I once was. But I still believe that someone to whom I give my love and trust will give theirs back to me -- and even though that has sometimes proven false, I still try. 

Sometimes when things are harder than they need to be, there are lessons to be learned -- that nasty old patience one, for instance. And sometimes life is just hard. You put one foot in front of the other and walk one baby step at a time. Eventually things will lighten up.

2. Last year -- any year, for that matter -- at this time I would never have imagined that I'd have an ablation on my heart, allowing doctors to thread a catheter up my femoral artery, poke a hole in my heart, and burn tiny little patches throughout it. I barely knew what it was.  

But I did it. I'd do it again. 

Because of it, I am (so far) free from atrial fibrillation, that awful, nauseating, anxiety-producing flip-flop-hard-beats-that-aren't-regular in your chest.  I no longer have to take blood thinners or do monthly blood tests. I no longer bruise at the slightest bump. I am not worried about a stroke every time my heart acts up. 

I am lucky that I was a good candidate for the procedure: not everyone is. I am lucky that there is not significant damage to my heart because of afib. 

We do what we have to do. I had to do this in order to have a better quality of life. And in 2015, I'll continue that quest by regaining strength and losing weight.  

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