Energy: What gave you energy this year? What took away your energy?
Energy. I have never been so aware of energy and how it comes to us, what we give ours to, whether it is positive or negative. That's thanks to my reiki group which began meeting slightly less than a year ago, and which is so focused on our energies and how they manifest.
Two years ago I was slated for foot surgery in late December, involved in a group that had a lot of chaotic energy, and acting as payee for my daughter who was in a basically negative living situation but seemed unable to get herself out of it (for a lot of reasons). My own energy was afraid and angry a lot of the time, and the foot that was getting cut on felt like a piece of wood, which also was concerning. I felt pulled in so many directions and none of them positive.
And I knew that prescriptions and Western medicine were not going to help me with this. So I went in desperation to a woman I knew slightly who did energy work and asked -- almost begged-- her for help.
WOW. Everything changed. With her help and counsel, I went into that surgery unafraid, positive about the outcome, and feeling so much more peaceful about where I was.
That work has carried me to today, facing surgery again (this time to take out the hardware that was put into my ankle two years ago), and blessed with a supportive group who believe in the power of energy to heal and to change lives.
I have actively worked on keeping my energy charged and healing as well, and try hard to avoid getting enmeshed in people, places or events that sap it, releasing relationships and memberships when necessary, or changing how I react to others.
It is intentional, this good energy, and takes the realization that all is temporary -- good, bad, ugly, hard, easy. It all changes eventually. What I can control is my own reaction, and I try to keep that focused on the positive, the good healing energy, by deliberately meditating on it, praying, practicing reiki, and being kind both to me and to others.
Yes, there are not so good days. But I have control over how that affects me. And I choose positive energy.
Showing posts with label Energy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Energy. Show all posts
Saturday, January 03, 2015
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
#Reverb 14, Day 10
1. Generosity
is free of obligations; it opens the heart, and creates warmth and
connection between the giver and receiver. When I cultivate generosity
the holidays become something I look forward to sharing with my loved
ones.
Look back at the last year and consider: how did generosity open your heart? How can you cultivate generosity in the coming year?
Look back at the last year and consider: how did generosity open your heart? How can you cultivate generosity in the coming year?
2. Leap of faith: What decision did you make this year that was a leap of faith? Did it work out? Or not?
1. I was especially blessed this year with friends who said prayers and/or sent me reiki energy for my cardiac ablation at the end of August, and a group of local women who spent time with me in reiki sessions to boost my energy and calm my fears before the procedure. The result was miraculous: I was not afraid at all to go into this procedure, and indeed felt as though I was literally cushioned with love and prayers both before and after it. That generosity has continued and has had great results too, as I have been afib-free, at least as far as I can feel it, ever since -- nearly four months now.
Because of that kindness and loving energy, I have been available when others have needed help or prayers for themselves or their loved ones, and have been lucky enough to participate in several hands-on sessions to help people who are frightened or worried, in addition to including them in my own daily prayers.
There are some wonderfully generous people in our community who inspire and challenge me to be more generous as well with my time, my gifts, and through prayers and actions. I am so grateful to those who have shown me such generosity, and their actions make me want to reciprocate, to pay it forward and also repay it.
2. I feel a bit like a broken record when I talk so much about the ablation, but it truly was not only a huge step for me in overcoming long-standing fear and anxiety, but also required a huge leap of faith. Ablation does not always work: often the heart can heal the burns a little too well and the afib or flutter comes back, requiring a second procedure, and sometimes even a third. Some people have had multiple procedures without relief.
While it can take the heart up to a year to truly heal, I have passed the first nearly four months without recurrence of either afib or flutter, at least as far as I can tell. As part of the three-month evaluation I wore a monitor for two weeks which is still being evaluated, and I expect to hear from my cardiologist/electrophysiologist soon about the findings -- but I feel positive about it. And I'd do it again if I needed to.
Talk about needing to trust! A skilled team threads a tiny catheter up your femoral artery to your heart, pokes a hole in the heart to get to the left ventricle, and proceeds to burn tiny wounds around the pulmonary veins and other areas where they find afib, which interrupt the wonky electrical circuit that causes these problems.
So far, so good. I am so grateful!
Thursday, December 04, 2014
Reverb 14, Day 4
1. We are all lightning rods, conduits for that which the Universe wants
born into this world. What energies did you channel this year?
2. Do Over: Hindsight is the one thing we never benefit from in the present. Is there one moment you wish that you could do-over?
1. Early this year a group of local women began meeting once a month to share and to help each other through Reiki, a focusing of energy that can help heal -- a 'laying on of hands,' it might have been called in earlier days and cultures. In September I completed the Reiki Level One classes, and will go on to Level Two the next time classes are offered here.
This energy was tremendously helpful for me as I prepared for my ablation; helpful as I kept boundaries and worked on acceptance; helpful in getting to know other like-minded women. We come from a variety of backgrounds; some are Christian and church-going; some are not so much. It doesn't matter in that group -- the energy and caring is just there for us all to receive and to give.
I learned to channel the Universal energy spirit through my body and my hands, and in the process, did a lot of thinking. My lessons this year were more inward, coming to terms with some long-standing issues and fears, and learning that the inside needs to be right before the outside acts, not that it can't be done somewhat concurrently!
I am a student these days, soaking in the lessons that are appearing before me, and learning from those who are walking the path too. I feel very blessed to have all these teachers appear when I needed them!
2. Oh, geeze. I have always been a fantastic Monday morning quarterback, and have in the past replayed scenes the way I wished they had gone, saying in retrospect the succinct, witty, perhaps snarky comments that were not on my tongue at the right moment. I've had whole imaginary conversations with people, multiple times, sometimes for way longer than I should even be thinking about it.
And right now, I cannot think of a single instance this year where I wished for a do-over like that.
Were there any? Probably.
But I am learning better from my missteps, those times when I have gotten embroiled in something I'd rather not have done in retrospect, and taking steps to make sure that I don't do it again. One such instance involved explaining rather frankly to an organizer of an event dear to my heart in which I've participated for several years why I would not be helping in 2015. I was not rude nor abrasive, but rather than brush it off as being 'too busy' or some other nebulous excuse, I told the individual exactly what I felt and experienced, and wished them well. Without me.
I am not at all sorry for participating this year. But the experience showed me clearly that I was done with the event as it currently is organized. So I really didn't want a do-over; instead, I let it go.
That's even better, I think: to be able to analyze what no longer serves my best interests, my highest self, and to stop doing it. That leaves the door open for something new to come in, something that will better fit who I am now, who I am growing into.
And that goes for those words that escape from my mouth before my brain is in gear. Those instances show me how important it is to LISTEN and to keep my own mouth shut until I am sure I have something valuable to add. I'm getting better at that too.
2. Do Over: Hindsight is the one thing we never benefit from in the present. Is there one moment you wish that you could do-over?
1. Early this year a group of local women began meeting once a month to share and to help each other through Reiki, a focusing of energy that can help heal -- a 'laying on of hands,' it might have been called in earlier days and cultures. In September I completed the Reiki Level One classes, and will go on to Level Two the next time classes are offered here.
This energy was tremendously helpful for me as I prepared for my ablation; helpful as I kept boundaries and worked on acceptance; helpful in getting to know other like-minded women. We come from a variety of backgrounds; some are Christian and church-going; some are not so much. It doesn't matter in that group -- the energy and caring is just there for us all to receive and to give.
I learned to channel the Universal energy spirit through my body and my hands, and in the process, did a lot of thinking. My lessons this year were more inward, coming to terms with some long-standing issues and fears, and learning that the inside needs to be right before the outside acts, not that it can't be done somewhat concurrently!
I am a student these days, soaking in the lessons that are appearing before me, and learning from those who are walking the path too. I feel very blessed to have all these teachers appear when I needed them!
2. Oh, geeze. I have always been a fantastic Monday morning quarterback, and have in the past replayed scenes the way I wished they had gone, saying in retrospect the succinct, witty, perhaps snarky comments that were not on my tongue at the right moment. I've had whole imaginary conversations with people, multiple times, sometimes for way longer than I should even be thinking about it.
And right now, I cannot think of a single instance this year where I wished for a do-over like that.
Were there any? Probably.
But I am learning better from my missteps, those times when I have gotten embroiled in something I'd rather not have done in retrospect, and taking steps to make sure that I don't do it again. One such instance involved explaining rather frankly to an organizer of an event dear to my heart in which I've participated for several years why I would not be helping in 2015. I was not rude nor abrasive, but rather than brush it off as being 'too busy' or some other nebulous excuse, I told the individual exactly what I felt and experienced, and wished them well. Without me.
I am not at all sorry for participating this year. But the experience showed me clearly that I was done with the event as it currently is organized. So I really didn't want a do-over; instead, I let it go.
That's even better, I think: to be able to analyze what no longer serves my best interests, my highest self, and to stop doing it. That leaves the door open for something new to come in, something that will better fit who I am now, who I am growing into.
And that goes for those words that escape from my mouth before my brain is in gear. Those instances show me how important it is to LISTEN and to keep my own mouth shut until I am sure I have something valuable to add. I'm getting better at that too.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
April Moon 14: Day 4 -- Sacred
Sacred
What feelings does this word evoke? What sorts of memories does it recall? Which of your senses start to tingle? How would you represent what this word means to you?
Sacred has the definition of 'revered due to association with holiness. Holiness, or sanctity, is in general the state of being holy (perceived by religious individuals as associated with divinity) or sacred (considered worthy of spiritual respect or devotion; or inspiring awe or reverence among believers).'
For me, I'm not so much influenced by the opinions or practices of'religious individuals as associated with divinity.' That's probably because once upon a time in another life I worked for the Great Church. I saw 'em up close and personal, warts and all, politics and abuses of office and so on. I loved and honored many who I knew. Our clergy are PEOPLE, folks, and they have faults and idiosyncracies and they make mistakes. Many have a genuine calling to serve; I'd venture to say most of them began with that, but there are some who lost that along the way.
So. What I'm told is 'sacred' by the Great Church or its servants is not necessarily what I'd label 'sacred.'
I find much of nature to be sacred: ah, my beloved Mama Ocean, who heals, who washes away the insignificant, whose constancy is ancient. The mountains, old wisdom and that constancy again (well, maybe not so much the volcanic ones, but even they move and breathe and do as they are supposed to do). Any animal or bird or bug -- the flowers, the grasses, the trees -- how DOES a tree know when to pop its leaves, and isn't it a miracle and SACRED that they do every year, every single spring? How does that hummingbird DO that hover thing? Wow.
Our bodies are sacred temples, mysterious in the infinite ways they are engineered to carry us through life, that we are all so alike and yet so, so different. Babies are sacred little beings when they are born, innocent and unknowing and wise and perfect.
The energy of all things is sacred. We are all connected through that energy, and to practice feeling it, tapping into the ancient and endless well of energy is to touch immortality, or as close as we could come to knowing it. Meditation is a powerful way to do that. Being outside and consciously raising our individual energy to blend with that of the energy of all things around us is sacred.
I have been in places that hold a tangible energy and history, but I'm not sure I'd label them 'sacred' -- awe-worthy, perhaps, knowing the stones and wood and surroundings hold the traces of an energy that once inhabited that place, even recently. Communal energy raised in gratitude and praise and love is very powerful, and I often feel that in places of worship. Is that sacred? Perhaps.
I guess what makes something sacred for me is the purity of purpose and energy that marks a place or words or actions or even that which resides in a person. It simply IS, without agenda, without ego, and it resonates on a deeply personal, interior level. I am always grateful when I experience flashes of the sacred, and awed by the power it encompasses.
What feelings does this word evoke? What sorts of memories does it recall? Which of your senses start to tingle? How would you represent what this word means to you?
Sacred has the definition of 'revered due to association with holiness. Holiness, or sanctity, is in general the state of being holy (perceived by religious individuals as associated with divinity) or sacred (considered worthy of spiritual respect or devotion; or inspiring awe or reverence among believers).'
For me, I'm not so much influenced by the opinions or practices of'religious individuals as associated with divinity.' That's probably because once upon a time in another life I worked for the Great Church. I saw 'em up close and personal, warts and all, politics and abuses of office and so on. I loved and honored many who I knew. Our clergy are PEOPLE, folks, and they have faults and idiosyncracies and they make mistakes. Many have a genuine calling to serve; I'd venture to say most of them began with that, but there are some who lost that along the way.
So. What I'm told is 'sacred' by the Great Church or its servants is not necessarily what I'd label 'sacred.'
I find much of nature to be sacred: ah, my beloved Mama Ocean, who heals, who washes away the insignificant, whose constancy is ancient. The mountains, old wisdom and that constancy again (well, maybe not so much the volcanic ones, but even they move and breathe and do as they are supposed to do). Any animal or bird or bug -- the flowers, the grasses, the trees -- how DOES a tree know when to pop its leaves, and isn't it a miracle and SACRED that they do every year, every single spring? How does that hummingbird DO that hover thing? Wow.
Our bodies are sacred temples, mysterious in the infinite ways they are engineered to carry us through life, that we are all so alike and yet so, so different. Babies are sacred little beings when they are born, innocent and unknowing and wise and perfect.
The energy of all things is sacred. We are all connected through that energy, and to practice feeling it, tapping into the ancient and endless well of energy is to touch immortality, or as close as we could come to knowing it. Meditation is a powerful way to do that. Being outside and consciously raising our individual energy to blend with that of the energy of all things around us is sacred.
I have been in places that hold a tangible energy and history, but I'm not sure I'd label them 'sacred' -- awe-worthy, perhaps, knowing the stones and wood and surroundings hold the traces of an energy that once inhabited that place, even recently. Communal energy raised in gratitude and praise and love is very powerful, and I often feel that in places of worship. Is that sacred? Perhaps.
I guess what makes something sacred for me is the purity of purpose and energy that marks a place or words or actions or even that which resides in a person. It simply IS, without agenda, without ego, and it resonates on a deeply personal, interior level. I am always grateful when I experience flashes of the sacred, and awed by the power it encompasses.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Once in a Blue August Moon 13: Day 4 -- The Word
The prompt: What word did you choose as your travelling companion in 2013? How is it
working for you? Where have the surprises been? If you didn’t choose a
guiding word, what word sums up your year so far? And why?
I didn't so much choose the word as it chose me. Really, given the surgery I had at the end of December and the painful walking that I experienced most of last year, clearly the word for 2013 had to be 'Recovery.'
I expected it to be primarily about my physical recovery. I'd had a triple arthrodesis -- a fusing of the three primary joints in my ankle -- and from all the research I'd done, I knew recovery could take up to a year. My energy teacher, Jessie, told me it would take four to six months. My focus was to follow doctor's orders, healing energy work, and doing all I could do.
By Feb. 20, slightly less than eight weeks post surgery, I was in a walking boot. Less than two weeks later, the doc told me I could transition into a shoe whenever I was ready, and I began physical therapy a week later, clinging to my walker. Physical therapy was wonderful: the therapists helped me rebuild strength, I continued to focus healing energy into that leg and throughout my body, and in no time I had graduated to walking with a cane and in my wonderful Alegria shoes. By the last PT appointment at about 18 weeks post surgery, I used the cane only on unsteady ground or to help keep some distance between me and others in crowded places. Today I go pretty much anywhere, although if I'm walking on a trail or land, I want a walking stick. While there is still some numbness in my toes and along the outer edge of my foot, I walk better than I have in a long time. My energy is good. My attitude is positive.
What surprised me is that the level of recovery went so very much deeper. Enforced rest and non-weight-bearing gave me time to think and reflect on what I'd been doing, what made me happy, what made me feel anxious and tense. I didn't do things I'd previously taken on through my admittedly overdeveloped sense of commitment because I couldn't do them physically, and for those things I could not back out of, I found other ways to handle them, unexpectedly freeing me from a lot of that false responsibility for someone else's actions/choices that I'd assumed. Nope, I can't pick you up from the hospital. Nope, I can't bring you a check today. No, I am no longer able to serve in that position. Nope, nope, NO.
Somewhere in all that time, I decided that I am not going to do things that I don't feel passionate about. I am not going to spend my time with people I don't enjoy being with, or who make me feel less than. I am going to take care of me first, not second or last. I will do more of what makes me happy. If I feel tense or angry or taken advantage of, I'm out. My focus is on saving the only life, living the only life that I can -- mine.
What a gift, this recovery! Those choices have not closed me off, they have opened me up to possibilities, to fully enjoying and participating and caring, and to new ways of being, more fulfilling, to a more generous life. I no longer feel anxious and angry and tense (well, hardly ever), and I know how to work with those feelings when they do surface.
I'm not recovered. I am recovering, just like an alcoholic who stops drinking but knows s/he is only one drink away from relapse. It is a process that requires daily attention and intention, this living joyfully stuff. If I don't work with my body and my foot, I will relapse into laziness and pain. If I don't work with my mind, I will relapse into old, long-practiced behaviors.
I like where I am too much to stop working on this recovery thing.
I didn't so much choose the word as it chose me. Really, given the surgery I had at the end of December and the painful walking that I experienced most of last year, clearly the word for 2013 had to be 'Recovery.'
I expected it to be primarily about my physical recovery. I'd had a triple arthrodesis -- a fusing of the three primary joints in my ankle -- and from all the research I'd done, I knew recovery could take up to a year. My energy teacher, Jessie, told me it would take four to six months. My focus was to follow doctor's orders, healing energy work, and doing all I could do.
By Feb. 20, slightly less than eight weeks post surgery, I was in a walking boot. Less than two weeks later, the doc told me I could transition into a shoe whenever I was ready, and I began physical therapy a week later, clinging to my walker. Physical therapy was wonderful: the therapists helped me rebuild strength, I continued to focus healing energy into that leg and throughout my body, and in no time I had graduated to walking with a cane and in my wonderful Alegria shoes. By the last PT appointment at about 18 weeks post surgery, I used the cane only on unsteady ground or to help keep some distance between me and others in crowded places. Today I go pretty much anywhere, although if I'm walking on a trail or land, I want a walking stick. While there is still some numbness in my toes and along the outer edge of my foot, I walk better than I have in a long time. My energy is good. My attitude is positive.
What surprised me is that the level of recovery went so very much deeper. Enforced rest and non-weight-bearing gave me time to think and reflect on what I'd been doing, what made me happy, what made me feel anxious and tense. I didn't do things I'd previously taken on through my admittedly overdeveloped sense of commitment because I couldn't do them physically, and for those things I could not back out of, I found other ways to handle them, unexpectedly freeing me from a lot of that false responsibility for someone else's actions/choices that I'd assumed. Nope, I can't pick you up from the hospital. Nope, I can't bring you a check today. No, I am no longer able to serve in that position. Nope, nope, NO.
Somewhere in all that time, I decided that I am not going to do things that I don't feel passionate about. I am not going to spend my time with people I don't enjoy being with, or who make me feel less than. I am going to take care of me first, not second or last. I will do more of what makes me happy. If I feel tense or angry or taken advantage of, I'm out. My focus is on saving the only life, living the only life that I can -- mine.
What a gift, this recovery! Those choices have not closed me off, they have opened me up to possibilities, to fully enjoying and participating and caring, and to new ways of being, more fulfilling, to a more generous life. I no longer feel anxious and angry and tense (well, hardly ever), and I know how to work with those feelings when they do surface.
I'm not recovered. I am recovering, just like an alcoholic who stops drinking but knows s/he is only one drink away from relapse. It is a process that requires daily attention and intention, this living joyfully stuff. If I don't work with my body and my foot, I will relapse into laziness and pain. If I don't work with my mind, I will relapse into old, long-practiced behaviors.
I like where I am too much to stop working on this recovery thing.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Same old, same old ... sorta
I'm still spending a lot of time reading with my foot up, but last week I graduated to a cam walker boot and am now lurching from room to room using a walker.
Nothing like a walker tricked out with a basket in front and glides on the rear legs to make you feel old.
But it helps me with balance and to ease the stress of putting weight on a foot that's been screwed and glued back together, and that hasn't had weight on it for two months. The leg looks better than it did a week ago, when it was all flakey skin and emaciated muscle and bloody steristrips, but bearing weight causes some redness and swelling -- something the doc said is needed for the bone to heal well -- and some discomfort -- even downright pain, especially on the side and heel. Tylenol takes care of it pretty well.
I don't know how long I'll be in it, but suspect it'll be at least another two or three weeks minimum. I'm most afraid of falls at this point, so am very careful where I put my feet.
We take a lot for granted when we're younger, don't we -- skipping about on heels and flimsy sandals, thinking little about walking in fashionable boots on icy sidewalks, going barefooted outside and in. Time was when I jumped rope and skipped and danced and tromped around on uneven rocks and ground, generally fearless. No more, although I'm not quite sure when that left me. I suppose that's another sign of aging, that awareness of how damaging a fall can be.
At any rate, I'm in another phase of healing, and still am grateful for how well the foot has healed, how little desire I have to resume life as I was living it before the surgery, and how free I am feeling to do things that I want to do, like reading and watching movies. I still feel very positive about the outcome and am grateful to all the friends who have helped us in this process.
*****************
So I'm still reading. Lots of beach-type reading, actually -- nothing in this group would classify as literary fiction. Most were either free or under $3. The Kindle Deal of the Day can be pretty good, as can the list of top Kindle books under $3 or the top 100 free books.
The Witch's Daughter was not as good as I'd have liked it to be. It switches back and forth from present day to the character's past, and I could easily put it down. (A 2.99 pricetag when I bought it.)
The Rose Garden was also fairly predictable, although mostly entertaining. Some time travel in this one, but not a compelling read. (99 cents when i got it.)
The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane was a bit more engrossing and included a bunch of Salem witch trial history. Price was definitely right at $2.99.
The Fortune Quilt was sort of fun, and it was a Kindle freebie at the time. (Kindle owning friends -- I can lend this one. Let me know.) I liked the vivid descriptions of the little Arizona town and some of the plot twists.
Firefly Beach was iffy. I know it had a lot of favorable reviews, but I thought it was too heavy on the narrative and rather stilted on the slightly paranormal aspect. The time frame was unrealistic and many plot elements stretched belief to the point of breaking. I can lend it, but am glad it was on the free list and that I didn't pay for it.
The Blue Tail (a gift) and The Fish Wife (lent to me) were both paperback books, and I just loved them. The Blue Tail includes poetry by Mary Oliver and is set mostly in Bandon, Oregon -- one of my favorite coastal places -- and is about a teenager understanding and accepting her heritage and worth. What was not to love!
The Fish Wife is a fantasy-filled story that takes the reader from misty Ireland to the desert Southwest, and enchantingly fills in the story of the Old Mermaids in the desert. It was a quick read and lovely. The author has a great ear for dialogue and I loved that I could 'hear' the characters tell the story.
I've got several other freebies loaded on the Kindle, and am reading one now that was recommended to me by a blog reader: The Accidental Peacemaker. Being the bargain hunger that I am (and realizing that not only is this a first-time novelist, the book is also self-published), I could not see paying $10, but I was able to use the Amazon Prime Library to borrow it!
It's kind of all over the place with a LOT of detailed location description (I could drive to most places mentioned from the directions), a plot that is interesting but that goes into a lot of directions: is it an action thriller about local militias and Muslim training camps? A romance between middle-aged people? A finding-oneself introspective novel? A guide to fishing in Oregon? A self-help how-to book on meditation? Huh. I'm still reading it but have NO idea where it's going.
I'll give you the lowdown when I'm finished with it.
**************
I'm also sort of doing an e-class on being a Spiritual Nomad. Sort of, because I'm not actually DOING a lot of the exercises, although I'm THINKING them through and that in itself is an interesting process. Tony and I have talked through some of the projects too, which has made for some good conversation. I understand how I got to where I am spiritually (at least better) and the influences on my spiritual life, and even did a Guru board on Pinterest, which was sort of fun and revealing. I suspect I'll come back to some of the lessons and contemplate or even perform some of the tasks a little more thoroughly.
What I'm understanding, though, is what I pretty much knew: I miss having a community of like-minded people to interact with on a regular basis, to celebrate ritual events with, to sing and celebrate with. My beliefs are not easily categorized into a denomination or even a 'religion,' but are based in a belief in a higher power and a strong ethical belief system.
It's been good for me, though, and it fits with all the gratitude and energy work I've been doing. Cultivating that positive outlook and enjoying where I am is a huge gift.
************
Movies and television! We've seen a bunch over the last two-plus months. Just watched the Showtime documentary "History of the Eagles,' about the 1970s-present day band, and loved seeing how they evolved and changed, and hearing the music again. Loved 'The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel' with an older ensemble cast. I've seen several unremarkable ones that were fun and entertaining but nothing I'd go out of my way to see, too. We continue to enjoy several regular series, including Enlightened, Californication (!!!), Shameless, and House of Lies currently on HBO and Showtime, and Person of Interest and Scandal on network TV. I also watch Grey's Anatomy, Smash, The New Normal, and Monday Mornings, and try to catch Glee (although this year has been disappointing). We've sampled The Americans (still evaluating), The Following, and Banshee (and removed those two from our list). With TV schedules bringing in new shows far more often, that list will change over the next few months, I'm sure.
And that's where I am.
Nothing like a walker tricked out with a basket in front and glides on the rear legs to make you feel old.
But it helps me with balance and to ease the stress of putting weight on a foot that's been screwed and glued back together, and that hasn't had weight on it for two months. The leg looks better than it did a week ago, when it was all flakey skin and emaciated muscle and bloody steristrips, but bearing weight causes some redness and swelling -- something the doc said is needed for the bone to heal well -- and some discomfort -- even downright pain, especially on the side and heel. Tylenol takes care of it pretty well.
I don't know how long I'll be in it, but suspect it'll be at least another two or three weeks minimum. I'm most afraid of falls at this point, so am very careful where I put my feet.
We take a lot for granted when we're younger, don't we -- skipping about on heels and flimsy sandals, thinking little about walking in fashionable boots on icy sidewalks, going barefooted outside and in. Time was when I jumped rope and skipped and danced and tromped around on uneven rocks and ground, generally fearless. No more, although I'm not quite sure when that left me. I suppose that's another sign of aging, that awareness of how damaging a fall can be.
At any rate, I'm in another phase of healing, and still am grateful for how well the foot has healed, how little desire I have to resume life as I was living it before the surgery, and how free I am feeling to do things that I want to do, like reading and watching movies. I still feel very positive about the outcome and am grateful to all the friends who have helped us in this process.
*****************
So I'm still reading. Lots of beach-type reading, actually -- nothing in this group would classify as literary fiction. Most were either free or under $3. The Kindle Deal of the Day can be pretty good, as can the list of top Kindle books under $3 or the top 100 free books.
The Witch's Daughter was not as good as I'd have liked it to be. It switches back and forth from present day to the character's past, and I could easily put it down. (A 2.99 pricetag when I bought it.)
The Rose Garden was also fairly predictable, although mostly entertaining. Some time travel in this one, but not a compelling read. (99 cents when i got it.)
The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane was a bit more engrossing and included a bunch of Salem witch trial history. Price was definitely right at $2.99.
The Fortune Quilt was sort of fun, and it was a Kindle freebie at the time. (Kindle owning friends -- I can lend this one. Let me know.) I liked the vivid descriptions of the little Arizona town and some of the plot twists.
Firefly Beach was iffy. I know it had a lot of favorable reviews, but I thought it was too heavy on the narrative and rather stilted on the slightly paranormal aspect. The time frame was unrealistic and many plot elements stretched belief to the point of breaking. I can lend it, but am glad it was on the free list and that I didn't pay for it.
The Blue Tail (a gift) and The Fish Wife (lent to me) were both paperback books, and I just loved them. The Blue Tail includes poetry by Mary Oliver and is set mostly in Bandon, Oregon -- one of my favorite coastal places -- and is about a teenager understanding and accepting her heritage and worth. What was not to love!
The Fish Wife is a fantasy-filled story that takes the reader from misty Ireland to the desert Southwest, and enchantingly fills in the story of the Old Mermaids in the desert. It was a quick read and lovely. The author has a great ear for dialogue and I loved that I could 'hear' the characters tell the story.
I've got several other freebies loaded on the Kindle, and am reading one now that was recommended to me by a blog reader: The Accidental Peacemaker. Being the bargain hunger that I am (and realizing that not only is this a first-time novelist, the book is also self-published), I could not see paying $10, but I was able to use the Amazon Prime Library to borrow it!
It's kind of all over the place with a LOT of detailed location description (I could drive to most places mentioned from the directions), a plot that is interesting but that goes into a lot of directions: is it an action thriller about local militias and Muslim training camps? A romance between middle-aged people? A finding-oneself introspective novel? A guide to fishing in Oregon? A self-help how-to book on meditation? Huh. I'm still reading it but have NO idea where it's going.
I'll give you the lowdown when I'm finished with it.
**************
I'm also sort of doing an e-class on being a Spiritual Nomad. Sort of, because I'm not actually DOING a lot of the exercises, although I'm THINKING them through and that in itself is an interesting process. Tony and I have talked through some of the projects too, which has made for some good conversation. I understand how I got to where I am spiritually (at least better) and the influences on my spiritual life, and even did a Guru board on Pinterest, which was sort of fun and revealing. I suspect I'll come back to some of the lessons and contemplate or even perform some of the tasks a little more thoroughly.
What I'm understanding, though, is what I pretty much knew: I miss having a community of like-minded people to interact with on a regular basis, to celebrate ritual events with, to sing and celebrate with. My beliefs are not easily categorized into a denomination or even a 'religion,' but are based in a belief in a higher power and a strong ethical belief system.
It's been good for me, though, and it fits with all the gratitude and energy work I've been doing. Cultivating that positive outlook and enjoying where I am is a huge gift.
************
Movies and television! We've seen a bunch over the last two-plus months. Just watched the Showtime documentary "History of the Eagles,' about the 1970s-present day band, and loved seeing how they evolved and changed, and hearing the music again. Loved 'The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel' with an older ensemble cast. I've seen several unremarkable ones that were fun and entertaining but nothing I'd go out of my way to see, too. We continue to enjoy several regular series, including Enlightened, Californication (!!!), Shameless, and House of Lies currently on HBO and Showtime, and Person of Interest and Scandal on network TV. I also watch Grey's Anatomy, Smash, The New Normal, and Monday Mornings, and try to catch Glee (although this year has been disappointing). We've sampled The Americans (still evaluating), The Following, and Banshee (and removed those two from our list). With TV schedules bringing in new shows far more often, that list will change over the next few months, I'm sure.
And that's where I am.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Connecting to spirit
The energy work I've done/am doing in preparation and as post-operative treatment for my surgery is very spiritual for me, connecting to a Universal energy that thrums deep in the earth as well as in me.
The mountains that we see from our house remind me daily how powerful and all-encompassing that energy is. The trees, the birds, the red dirt, the greening of the meadows -- all these emphasize how energy is within us and all around us, and that it never, ever dies.
The mountains that we see from our house remind me daily how powerful and all-encompassing that energy is. The trees, the birds, the red dirt, the greening of the meadows -- all these emphasize how energy is within us and all around us, and that it never, ever dies.
“Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.”―
Albert Einstein
Tony and I have had many recent conversations about energy and how it works within us. We ARE energy. What is within us does not die when our body does, so where does it go? What does it become? I have always liked Emerson's 'Oversoul' essay which I read as a high school senior, and it still explains best for me what happens to our soul, our personal energy, when the body is no longer needed. For me, it explains the inter-connectedness of everything living. Perhaps it is simplistic, but it works for me, and I can feel the connection with those I love now as well as those whose bodies are no longer on this earth.
I am learning to take in energy, to receive it from the earth and from crystals, and from the Universe, and to make it move within my body and limbs.
And yes, I know how 'woo-woo' that sounds, and that others will have other explanations for it, something that fits within what they perceive as logical and reasonable and practical.
Thankyouverymuch. *smile*
But for me it works, just what I'm doing and what I'm learning from my beautiful, practical, amazing teacher Jessie.
A Buddhist proverb says that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. While I have known Jessie for several years, and indeed have experienced her healing skills, this time I knew that I needed her, that the only way I was going to get through the fear and anxiety that was threatening to take over my entire life was through her help. She agreed immediately to be that healing help for me.
In the process of practicing the energy work and going within, I also have been doing a lot of reading, and just completed Anne Lamott's new little book Help.Thanks.Wow: The Three Essential Prayers .I've loved her conversational approach to spirituality for a long time and have several of her books on my bookshelf already. This one really speaks to where I am now and what I need, how I talk to the Universe/God(dess), and I savored each section. I'll re-read as necessary...
I haven't called myself 'religious' for a very long time, but have always known that there is a deep spiritual desire and connection within me. There are things I miss about the churches I grew up in and attended as an adult: the communal worship, a lot of the music (which transcends any religion and goes straight to God/Universe), and some of the church activities I was active in -- choir, suppers, events, etc. SOME of them. Not all. I do not miss the politics of a big church, nor the judgmental attitudes, nor the guilt that sometimes comes with participation and attendance. I would be interested in a community of like-minded people who are not necessarily tied to one particular denomination or even belief system, but who believe in right action, right speech, kindness, gratitude; who accept energy work and reiki and angels as a part of the work we are all here to do, here to find and to share.
I am so grateful to the people who have helped me come this far, and I embrace this journey here and now. I am beginning to be aware that this surgery on my foot was necessary, not just to fix my ability to walk, but for my ability to BE and to learn and to grow spiritually. Deep gratitude for you, my teachers, my friends and mentors. ~Blessings~
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Reverb 11 -- Day 10
#1 Prompt: Energy: Where are you losing energy in your life? When/where are you most drained? What energizes you? What jolts you, lifts you up, gets you giddy? Makes you relax? What has you feeling better immediately no matter what?
#2 Prompt: Beauty - Describe a moment of beauty that you witnessed this year.
#1 -- Oh, gosh. Energy. My biggest energy drain is probably handling the paperwork for my daughter's disability. It looms over me every time I walk into the office: receipts need filing, correspondence needs filing; and they pile up easily. It isn't that it is such a huge task when done consistently, but I tend to allow them to pile up. Actually, I'm that way with any paperwork, as my wonderful husband can attest: my desk and surrounding area has many papers and bits of notes scattered across it. I do make headway, but not regularly enough to make it stop.
What energizes me is -- well, aside from a good dose of something chocolate -- doing something I enjoy doing: acting, or reading for fun, or yoga, for instance. I love gardening, but right now the garden needs to be tilled, compost worked into the soil, and topped with a leaf and newspaper and manure sandwich, and that is just sheer work.
I'm too good at avoiding such tasks, actually: I'd rather go to lunch with a friend or putter in the kitchen or read blogs online, for instance, or browse for that fabulous shoe bargain that I'm sure is there somewhere if I look long enough.
I always feel better immediately if I sit still, sip a cup of good tea, and pet a cat. There are always kitties to pet around here.
#2 -- Beauty. I love seeing the moon rise over our land, smiling down at the deer and the kitties and the trees and making it all look magical, every single month. I always take time to step outside and open my arms wide to her benevolent beauty, and remember a long-ago moon family, think of faraway friends and family members, and ask for enlightening energy.
But true beauty came recently during a performance of "A Cascade Christmas" when I watched the granddaughter of a dear friend dance a dream. The young woman is in her early teens, just bursting with vulnerable youth on the cusp. That achingly precious anticipation of life and all it has to bring her was so evident as she twirled joyfully across the stage, those smooth young limbs easily rising and stretching gracefully to embrace her future. I puddled up immediately, watching that amazing dance, and I hope it is a long, long time before someone/thing interrupts that hopeful enthusiasm. There is nothing more beautiful than watching young people start out on their life's path with trust and faith that their lives will be incredible and wonderful.
And yes, I realize that not every young person has the benefit of supportive, loving parents as this young lady has had. Yet I think most still have some measure of trust and confidence that their life will be good, that they can achieve a goal, be better and different from what they know.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Smatterings
I can't believe it's been nearly a month since I wrote anything. I've composed posts in my head but they haven't made it to my fingers. Generally this is not like me...
and that's kind of where I am: not like me.
I'm full of oughta-dos, have a list of wanna-dos, and I keep busy, but I don't seem to "do" much of anything. The office is verrrrryyyyy slllooooowwwlllly taking shape, but I've been working on that for months and months. Despite all the reasons why I know I should and the fact that the treadmill is right near the computer, I don't get on it every day or sometimes even in a week. The garden has been stripped out but not tilled, the prayer flags from last year are bleached white and droop, and nothing has yet been planted -- although I will plant eventually. (Honestly, the weather has been almost too cool and windy to do things like tomatoes, although I know people have them out..)
I'm flat: not passionate about anything. Not depressed exactly either. But unmotivated, fairly uninterested (and probably uninteresting). Not struggling, but not moving ahead either.
We're doing a few medical tests to make sure it's not anything systemic and then we'll see.
Last night I lay awake until much too late with monkey mind, full of ideas of what to do, how to get this or that underway -- and that is not especially new. But in the morning, after I'm on the computer, it just sort of fades away and before I know it, it's afternoon and I haven't done a thing, or not much. Certainly nothing that feeds the creative, passionate part of me.
Lots of potential reasons, I think. Free-floating anxiety, ongoing situations that have no foreseeable resolutions, still some recovery from the mental blow and wrist fracture, although the physical part of that is pretty well healed and doing nicely.
One step at a time, I guess, and one thing daily that moves something along. That'll do for now.
And I'm going to be more conscientious about writing here, even if it's to list what I had for breakfast!
...which, this morning, was a breakfast sandwich on those lovely thin 100-calorie whole wheat buns, with egg, part-skim cheese, a bit of bacon. A little fruit. (Strawberries are coming into season: love fresh, right from the field berries.)...
I'll be back.
"Every silver lining's got a touch of grey...I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive."~~Touch of Grey by The Grateful Dead
and that's kind of where I am: not like me.
I'm full of oughta-dos, have a list of wanna-dos, and I keep busy, but I don't seem to "do" much of anything. The office is verrrrryyyyy slllooooowwwlllly taking shape, but I've been working on that for months and months. Despite all the reasons why I know I should and the fact that the treadmill is right near the computer, I don't get on it every day or sometimes even in a week. The garden has been stripped out but not tilled, the prayer flags from last year are bleached white and droop, and nothing has yet been planted -- although I will plant eventually. (Honestly, the weather has been almost too cool and windy to do things like tomatoes, although I know people have them out..)
I'm flat: not passionate about anything. Not depressed exactly either. But unmotivated, fairly uninterested (and probably uninteresting). Not struggling, but not moving ahead either.
We're doing a few medical tests to make sure it's not anything systemic and then we'll see.
Last night I lay awake until much too late with monkey mind, full of ideas of what to do, how to get this or that underway -- and that is not especially new. But in the morning, after I'm on the computer, it just sort of fades away and before I know it, it's afternoon and I haven't done a thing, or not much. Certainly nothing that feeds the creative, passionate part of me.
Lots of potential reasons, I think. Free-floating anxiety, ongoing situations that have no foreseeable resolutions, still some recovery from the mental blow and wrist fracture, although the physical part of that is pretty well healed and doing nicely.
One step at a time, I guess, and one thing daily that moves something along. That'll do for now.
And I'm going to be more conscientious about writing here, even if it's to list what I had for breakfast!
...which, this morning, was a breakfast sandwich on those lovely thin 100-calorie whole wheat buns, with egg, part-skim cheese, a bit of bacon. A little fruit. (Strawberries are coming into season: love fresh, right from the field berries.)...
I'll be back.
"Every silver lining's got a touch of grey...I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive."~~Touch of Grey by The Grateful Dead
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Winter
Rain is drumming a cadence on the metal porch roof again and it's back to more seasonal temps after more than a week of temps in the 60s and even low 70s. There's a fire in the woodstove warming the house (and the lazy cats) and I intend to get out of the office in a few minutes to join them in coziness.
We've had a good season of rain this year and the grass has been plentiful, along with the weeds. The deer are fat and happy. I'm grateful for every drop.
I get my cast off Friday and then we'll see what happens with my wrist. Meanwhile, I've attended to other health concerns which so far have proven to be minor. May that continue.
We've enjoyed vicarious winter sports and snow through the Olympics and enjoy our weekly HBO/ Showtime series plus a few on network tv -- guilty pleasures all, but a nice way to spend an evening. Wish I could say I'm ready to get outside and work, but I'm not, really.
My thoughts and to-do lists seem to be full of "I need to..." rather than "I want to" or "I am looking forward to," encompassing everything from tidying the den to continuing to clean and organize the office to cleaning the cat box. I need to clean out every drawer in the house and organize and sort throug the bits that find their way into silverware and bathroom meds and kitchen linen storage areas. I need to make more hummer food for the wee birds that are seeking sustenance now and then, even in the cold and wet. I need to pull the weeds from the walk near the front door, even if we RoundUp soon, because they're growing fast and thick. I need to climb on the treadmill every day, even if only for 10 minutes. My 'need to" list is neverending.
I'd rather have a 'need to' list that would include reading at least three chapters from a good book every day, or polishing my nails regularly or taking naps more often or writing here at least once a week instead of once or twice a month, if that. I think I spend so much time thinking of the 'need to' list that I never get it done completely and I always put 'want to' things at the end of the 'need to' one.
*************
I'm still obsessing over healthcare, at least somewhat, since I've been calling doctors and hospitals to figure out what we really owe, and checking on our benefits. I am grateful to have insurance at all, but we have been simply floored by the amounts billed and the amounts allowed and the amounts paid. Anthem has a phrase on their Web site as well as on their customer service lines -- both recorded and then repeated when a rep gets on the line with you -- that runs pretty much like this: Benefits are subject to the terms, conditions, limitations and exclusions in your coverage. Benefits are subject to change.
I learned in one conversation with a rep yesterday that my mammogram, for instance, which is supposed to be covered at 60% (unless I have a coupon from Healthy Checkup, which I'd not heard about), is in fact not covered at 60%. It depends upon the deductible that has been met, the provider's number, and the billing code. And then I learned that in some instances, such as when it is performed at a hospital, you are billed both by the facility and the imaging contractor. It is no wonder that the uninsured don't seek preventive healthcare. At least my bills reflect some discount through the insurance companies.
And did you see the brouhaha that resulted from Anthem's rate hike announcement? Not only is the hike the subject of federal investigation, it has largely been responsible for a renewed interest in healthcare reform. And Anthem isn't the only guilty party: see here for more.
Dealing with this stuff is necessary, and I've learned you must question and watch. But fun it is not.
******************
I feel like I've been on hold since the first of the year. I have more energy now, I don't hurt anymore, I'm healing. But I'm ready for something positive, something fun. Don't know what that is just yet.
And my friends and family are still struggling with their own issues of money, health, fear, security, loss. I say prayers for them every day -- but I also never fail to say thank you to the Universe for my own blessings.
One of them just crawled into my lap for a snuggle. He's getting it.=^^=
We've had a good season of rain this year and the grass has been plentiful, along with the weeds. The deer are fat and happy. I'm grateful for every drop.
I get my cast off Friday and then we'll see what happens with my wrist. Meanwhile, I've attended to other health concerns which so far have proven to be minor. May that continue.
We've enjoyed vicarious winter sports and snow through the Olympics and enjoy our weekly HBO/ Showtime series plus a few on network tv -- guilty pleasures all, but a nice way to spend an evening. Wish I could say I'm ready to get outside and work, but I'm not, really.
My thoughts and to-do lists seem to be full of "I need to..." rather than "I want to" or "I am looking forward to," encompassing everything from tidying the den to continuing to clean and organize the office to cleaning the cat box. I need to clean out every drawer in the house and organize and sort throug the bits that find their way into silverware and bathroom meds and kitchen linen storage areas. I need to make more hummer food for the wee birds that are seeking sustenance now and then, even in the cold and wet. I need to pull the weeds from the walk near the front door, even if we RoundUp soon, because they're growing fast and thick. I need to climb on the treadmill every day, even if only for 10 minutes. My 'need to" list is neverending.
I'd rather have a 'need to' list that would include reading at least three chapters from a good book every day, or polishing my nails regularly or taking naps more often or writing here at least once a week instead of once or twice a month, if that. I think I spend so much time thinking of the 'need to' list that I never get it done completely and I always put 'want to' things at the end of the 'need to' one.
*************
I'm still obsessing over healthcare, at least somewhat, since I've been calling doctors and hospitals to figure out what we really owe, and checking on our benefits. I am grateful to have insurance at all, but we have been simply floored by the amounts billed and the amounts allowed and the amounts paid. Anthem has a phrase on their Web site as well as on their customer service lines -- both recorded and then repeated when a rep gets on the line with you -- that runs pretty much like this: Benefits are subject to the terms, conditions, limitations and exclusions in your coverage. Benefits are subject to change.
I learned in one conversation with a rep yesterday that my mammogram, for instance, which is supposed to be covered at 60% (unless I have a coupon from Healthy Checkup, which I'd not heard about), is in fact not covered at 60%. It depends upon the deductible that has been met, the provider's number, and the billing code. And then I learned that in some instances, such as when it is performed at a hospital, you are billed both by the facility and the imaging contractor. It is no wonder that the uninsured don't seek preventive healthcare. At least my bills reflect some discount through the insurance companies.
And did you see the brouhaha that resulted from Anthem's rate hike announcement? Not only is the hike the subject of federal investigation, it has largely been responsible for a renewed interest in healthcare reform. And Anthem isn't the only guilty party: see here for more.
Dealing with this stuff is necessary, and I've learned you must question and watch. But fun it is not.
******************
I feel like I've been on hold since the first of the year. I have more energy now, I don't hurt anymore, I'm healing. But I'm ready for something positive, something fun. Don't know what that is just yet.
And my friends and family are still struggling with their own issues of money, health, fear, security, loss. I say prayers for them every day -- but I also never fail to say thank you to the Universe for my own blessings.
One of them just crawled into my lap for a snuggle. He's getting it.=^^=
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Ch-ch-changes
When I was in the eighth grade in Springfield, Mo., I was in the "Broadcaster" class -- a group of students who, in addition to regular science, math, history, gym, and English classes, also produced the school newspaper. It was a good group -- some of the brightest and best students of my generation were in that classroom. I was privileged to be there and learned a great deal, and inclusion very likely influenced my choice of careers.
That was the year of Nixon and Kennedy. Nixon came to Springfield. *I* was a Nixon supporter, I'm embarrassed to say, probably for no other reason than my dad was a Republican (yes, I came from a split home: my mother was a Democrat, and one of my early memories of politics is them arguing over Adlai Stevenson and Dwight Eisenhower...)
But Kennedy won. And I remember watching the inauguration at school (they brought in TVs when something historic was happening, like the space launches or the inauguration). I remember tottery Robert Frost reciting his poem The Gift Outright -- not the original poem he had written because he couldn't see past the glaring sun.
And I remember writing a poem myself, at the request of the teacher, for the newspaper (I was sort of the class's poet). I don't know that I still have the text, but it was titled After the Ball, and referenced the heavy load that the new, young, bright-shining President would assume after the balls, the festivities were over.
Today, as I watched Barack Obama take the oath of office under cold, sunny skies in Washington, I remembered Kennedy's inauguration too -- the hope, the promise, the winds of change that accompanied him into the White House. And I cried a little, and a little more when the Rev. Joseph Lowery gave his stirring benediction.
With this new president, we baby boomers have passed the torch to a new generation. For one, I am hopeful and optimistic, along with the millions and millions of people who watched today's ceremony either from the Washington mall or on streets all over the world or in the quiet of their own living rooms. The collective energy is almost palpable, even from here in my home.
For today, there is hope. There is love and courage and faith and trust. There is joy at the realization of the dreams and courage of a generation now as old and older than I.
I am reveling in this feeling today, energy boosted, connection with the world heightened. I know it will fade. I know our new president will make mistakes. I know things will not instantly improve.
But for today -- which in the end is all we ever have -- I am grateful for this feeling, for this opportunity, and I will add my voice to the collective energy of so many others who are praying for change, who are grateful for new beginnings, and who believe in the possibilities. To do otherwise is to deny the power of the universe and ourselves to turn things around.
That was the year of Nixon and Kennedy. Nixon came to Springfield. *I* was a Nixon supporter, I'm embarrassed to say, probably for no other reason than my dad was a Republican (yes, I came from a split home: my mother was a Democrat, and one of my early memories of politics is them arguing over Adlai Stevenson and Dwight Eisenhower...)
But Kennedy won. And I remember watching the inauguration at school (they brought in TVs when something historic was happening, like the space launches or the inauguration). I remember tottery Robert Frost reciting his poem The Gift Outright -- not the original poem he had written because he couldn't see past the glaring sun.
And I remember writing a poem myself, at the request of the teacher, for the newspaper (I was sort of the class's poet). I don't know that I still have the text, but it was titled After the Ball, and referenced the heavy load that the new, young, bright-shining President would assume after the balls, the festivities were over.
Today, as I watched Barack Obama take the oath of office under cold, sunny skies in Washington, I remembered Kennedy's inauguration too -- the hope, the promise, the winds of change that accompanied him into the White House. And I cried a little, and a little more when the Rev. Joseph Lowery gave his stirring benediction.
With this new president, we baby boomers have passed the torch to a new generation. For one, I am hopeful and optimistic, along with the millions and millions of people who watched today's ceremony either from the Washington mall or on streets all over the world or in the quiet of their own living rooms. The collective energy is almost palpable, even from here in my home.
For today, there is hope. There is love and courage and faith and trust. There is joy at the realization of the dreams and courage of a generation now as old and older than I.
I am reveling in this feeling today, energy boosted, connection with the world heightened. I know it will fade. I know our new president will make mistakes. I know things will not instantly improve.
But for today -- which in the end is all we ever have -- I am grateful for this feeling, for this opportunity, and I will add my voice to the collective energy of so many others who are praying for change, who are grateful for new beginnings, and who believe in the possibilities. To do otherwise is to deny the power of the universe and ourselves to turn things around.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Finding energy !
When I was in my 30s and 40s, I was one very busy lady: I worked full time at a fairly demanding job, had a child in elementary school (just ONE!), a workaholic husband, and was active in many church and community activities.
I've wondered in recent years where I found the time and energy to do all of that plus fix meals, do grocery shopping, clean house, attend meetings, and I also sewed a lot of mine and my daughter's clothing. Oh, and I had a garden and did a fair bit of yard work.
I had energy. I was organized.
In more recent years I have wondered where I found the energy to do it, the time to fit it all in.
I remember. In the last couple of weeks, we've been very busy with various projects: real estate, of course, although it is deadly quiet, so our efforts have been directed towards marketing our properties; writing gigs have come to us that have kept us heads-down at our respective computers and working long days; various volunteer efforts continue to take at least some time; and there's the usual cooking, grocery shopping, planting and tending the garden, cleaning house, etc. The more I have to do, the more organized I've become. And surprisingly, the more energy I have to get it done.
I make lists. I've always been a listmaker. Sometimes I never refer to them again after I've written them; it helps simply to jot down all the thoughts in my head and that helps prioritize them. And sometimes I rely on the list to direct my entire day: I check off one project and go on to the next. The next day I do another list with anything left undone from the previous day at the top of the list.
It helps. It takes the organization out of my head and puts it tangibly on paper, and then I don't have to worry over it or wonder what I'm forgetting to do. I put deadline reminders in my (still paper) organizer sometimes, especially for things that are months in advance, and that helps.
It's the stuff that's optional, sortakinda, that gets lost, though -- I've been trying to finish up the garden for two weeks, and while I've got the other half tilled and ready to plant, the seed packets are still sitting there.
Oh, my intentions were really good. Last weekend I bought a few veggies in the little peat pots -- some peppers, tomatoes, a cucumber -- and intended to put them in on Sunday. I left them, along with a little 6-pack of Dusty Miller, on the edge of the front porch. Uh-uh. Wrong move.
I can say definitively that our deer do not like Dusty Miller. They do, however, love the tomatoes, peppers and cuke. The little plants were nibbled down to an inch of oozing stem. I've put the mutiliated plants in the safety of the garden fencing in hopes that the stubs will sprout leaves, but I really need to make a trip to Home Depot to find some replacements.
And yet...I'm working on deadlines still, due next week, and tend to do only what's absolutely necessary like meals and laundry.
Nevertheless, I like being busy and feeling energized. And I went back to yoga last night for this next six-week session, and that always makes me feel good. I guess it's again a matter of maintaining balance, isn't it....figuratively in my everyday tasks and work tasks, and literally in those blasted tree poses for yoga.
I know it'll all get done eventually. What I also want is to enjoy the journey, knowing that the deadlines and to-do lists are good things, and not something to obsess about, at least unduly. If I follow my lists, I'll have time to get it done without too much stress...
Balance.
I've wondered in recent years where I found the time and energy to do all of that plus fix meals, do grocery shopping, clean house, attend meetings, and I also sewed a lot of mine and my daughter's clothing. Oh, and I had a garden and did a fair bit of yard work.
I had energy. I was organized.
In more recent years I have wondered where I found the energy to do it, the time to fit it all in.
I remember. In the last couple of weeks, we've been very busy with various projects: real estate, of course, although it is deadly quiet, so our efforts have been directed towards marketing our properties; writing gigs have come to us that have kept us heads-down at our respective computers and working long days; various volunteer efforts continue to take at least some time; and there's the usual cooking, grocery shopping, planting and tending the garden, cleaning house, etc. The more I have to do, the more organized I've become. And surprisingly, the more energy I have to get it done.
I make lists. I've always been a listmaker. Sometimes I never refer to them again after I've written them; it helps simply to jot down all the thoughts in my head and that helps prioritize them. And sometimes I rely on the list to direct my entire day: I check off one project and go on to the next. The next day I do another list with anything left undone from the previous day at the top of the list.
It helps. It takes the organization out of my head and puts it tangibly on paper, and then I don't have to worry over it or wonder what I'm forgetting to do. I put deadline reminders in my (still paper) organizer sometimes, especially for things that are months in advance, and that helps.
It's the stuff that's optional, sortakinda, that gets lost, though -- I've been trying to finish up the garden for two weeks, and while I've got the other half tilled and ready to plant, the seed packets are still sitting there.
Oh, my intentions were really good. Last weekend I bought a few veggies in the little peat pots -- some peppers, tomatoes, a cucumber -- and intended to put them in on Sunday. I left them, along with a little 6-pack of Dusty Miller, on the edge of the front porch. Uh-uh. Wrong move.
I can say definitively that our deer do not like Dusty Miller. They do, however, love the tomatoes, peppers and cuke. The little plants were nibbled down to an inch of oozing stem. I've put the mutiliated plants in the safety of the garden fencing in hopes that the stubs will sprout leaves, but I really need to make a trip to Home Depot to find some replacements.
And yet...I'm working on deadlines still, due next week, and tend to do only what's absolutely necessary like meals and laundry.
Nevertheless, I like being busy and feeling energized. And I went back to yoga last night for this next six-week session, and that always makes me feel good. I guess it's again a matter of maintaining balance, isn't it....figuratively in my everyday tasks and work tasks, and literally in those blasted tree poses for yoga.
I know it'll all get done eventually. What I also want is to enjoy the journey, knowing that the deadlines and to-do lists are good things, and not something to obsess about, at least unduly. If I follow my lists, I'll have time to get it done without too much stress...
Balance.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Ya gotta have friends...
Long ago in another life, a friend gave me a little framed quote done in scherenschnitte: Friends give joy and divide sorrow. It's moved with me for years, sometimes displayed on a little stand, sometimes on the wall. It reminds me of that friend, of that time in my life (plus the craft itself is remarkable).
I feel truly replete with the friendships I've found here -- very blessed with friends. I'm not quite sure how it happened, except I know you have to be a friend to find a friend. But we were talking the other night about all the activities we're doing with neighbors and friends, and how wonderful that feels! It was one of the reasons we changed our lives four years ago: we wanted more than going to work, coming home, doing chores, watching a little TV, and repeating that pattern -- there was just no time for anything else.
So we visualized that, along with some other things. Another friend, knowing what we were trying to do, gave us It Works! It is a short little book that focuses on asking very specifically for what you want and then visualizing that every day. I suppose it's a very simplistic approach to visualizing, but it helped us tremendously. And the goals we visualized have all happened.
I think that when you actively visualize an outcome, you also unconsciously align your energy and your actions to make it happen. More than 10 years ago, I began to realize that I needed to make some changes in my life -- big ones -- because I knew that when I was at the end of my life I didn't want to look back and say "I wonder what would have happened if..." I was no longer willing to settle, to allow life to happen to me instead of actively working to make the life I wanted. An Internet buddy told me, after listening to me talk yet again about wanting to change, "Then make it happen, sister." And I did.
Right now I'm working on new goals --especially for business -- and always giving thanks for those we have attained and continue to cherish. It is a blessing to start the day walking with friends, to exchange e-mails or phone calls with faraway friends, to share a cup of tea with friends, and to have fun going places and doing things with friends. To share joy, to divide sorrow.
I feel truly replete with the friendships I've found here -- very blessed with friends. I'm not quite sure how it happened, except I know you have to be a friend to find a friend. But we were talking the other night about all the activities we're doing with neighbors and friends, and how wonderful that feels! It was one of the reasons we changed our lives four years ago: we wanted more than going to work, coming home, doing chores, watching a little TV, and repeating that pattern -- there was just no time for anything else.
So we visualized that, along with some other things. Another friend, knowing what we were trying to do, gave us It Works! It is a short little book that focuses on asking very specifically for what you want and then visualizing that every day. I suppose it's a very simplistic approach to visualizing, but it helped us tremendously. And the goals we visualized have all happened.
I think that when you actively visualize an outcome, you also unconsciously align your energy and your actions to make it happen. More than 10 years ago, I began to realize that I needed to make some changes in my life -- big ones -- because I knew that when I was at the end of my life I didn't want to look back and say "I wonder what would have happened if..." I was no longer willing to settle, to allow life to happen to me instead of actively working to make the life I wanted. An Internet buddy told me, after listening to me talk yet again about wanting to change, "Then make it happen, sister." And I did.
Right now I'm working on new goals --especially for business -- and always giving thanks for those we have attained and continue to cherish. It is a blessing to start the day walking with friends, to exchange e-mails or phone calls with faraway friends, to share a cup of tea with friends, and to have fun going places and doing things with friends. To share joy, to divide sorrow.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Leftover energy affects this tongue
I've known for a long time that houses hold the energy of their inhabitants and sometimes you can *feel* it when you walk in.
There are some that feel immediately welcoming, loving, putting a visitor instantly at ease. And there are some that are just plain creepy, not evil exactly, but negative and cold and uncomfortably prickly. I've been in a lot of houses as a Realtor, and I pay attention to how the house makes me feel, because I know it will affect a buyer's perception.
I think there must be meeting rooms like that, too, in buildings where people regularly gather for business or services or workshops or organizational or public hearing meetings.
I regularly attend a meeting in one such room, and more than once words that I would almost never say have come floating out of my mouth! Snippy stuff, even mean-sounding. Stammering stuff that isn't even very accurate much less how I normally phrase my words and sentences. Stuff I later wonder what on earth possessed me to say THAT!!
Well, I'm often direct -- I don't beat around the bush much, but I'm not mean. Sometimes my words have been interpreted differently than they were intended to be, but generally I am very careful to choose my words carefully because I know how deeply words can wound. I try to be kind and warm in my words and tone and actions. And while I can certainly dish about someone or something, it's extremely rare for it to be in public -- only a few very close friends and family ever hear that side of me!
But there is something in that room that just disconnects my brain and my tongue. The mouth opens, words fall out, but the brain clearly is not engaged. As Forrest Gump would say, "Stupid is as stupid does."
Maybe that's it. Too much stupid hanging around the room? Too many confusing emotions? Too much dissent? Leftover anger and angst? It's not the other participants; it is the room itself.
I'm either going to have to shut up completely or find a way to guard myself from that energy.
We ran away today...
for a while at least, to the mountains, and followed back roads to see where they'd end up. We saw golden vineyards, a couple of flaming red trees, and snow near Lassen Park, where we watched a cloud scud over a nearby hilltop, foggy fingers reaching to cover the pines and then pull back for a moment before reaching again. It was the kind of day that puts a little smile of contentment on your face, where everything seems right. It was good to get out of the office and away from to-do lists.
There are some that feel immediately welcoming, loving, putting a visitor instantly at ease. And there are some that are just plain creepy, not evil exactly, but negative and cold and uncomfortably prickly. I've been in a lot of houses as a Realtor, and I pay attention to how the house makes me feel, because I know it will affect a buyer's perception.
I think there must be meeting rooms like that, too, in buildings where people regularly gather for business or services or workshops or organizational or public hearing meetings.
I regularly attend a meeting in one such room, and more than once words that I would almost never say have come floating out of my mouth! Snippy stuff, even mean-sounding. Stammering stuff that isn't even very accurate much less how I normally phrase my words and sentences. Stuff I later wonder what on earth possessed me to say THAT!!
Well, I'm often direct -- I don't beat around the bush much, but I'm not mean. Sometimes my words have been interpreted differently than they were intended to be, but generally I am very careful to choose my words carefully because I know how deeply words can wound. I try to be kind and warm in my words and tone and actions. And while I can certainly dish about someone or something, it's extremely rare for it to be in public -- only a few very close friends and family ever hear that side of me!
But there is something in that room that just disconnects my brain and my tongue. The mouth opens, words fall out, but the brain clearly is not engaged. As Forrest Gump would say, "Stupid is as stupid does."
Maybe that's it. Too much stupid hanging around the room? Too many confusing emotions? Too much dissent? Leftover anger and angst? It's not the other participants; it is the room itself.
I'm either going to have to shut up completely or find a way to guard myself from that energy.
We ran away today...
for a while at least, to the mountains, and followed back roads to see where they'd end up. We saw golden vineyards, a couple of flaming red trees, and snow near Lassen Park, where we watched a cloud scud over a nearby hilltop, foggy fingers reaching to cover the pines and then pull back for a moment before reaching again. It was the kind of day that puts a little smile of contentment on your face, where everything seems right. It was good to get out of the office and away from to-do lists.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Weird energy in the air
The last couple of weeks have just felt strange: people have acted out of character, or have been unsettled -- or unsettling, tasks have taken longer to accomplish, group dynamics have felt odd...unfinished, perhaps, or jittery. I'm not the only one who's noticed it, either -- several folks have commented about it, and Tony mentioned it tonight.
Mercury goes retrograde tomorrow, and while that could be dismissed as a bunch of hooey, I certainly have experienced its effects in the past. For most of us, Mercury affects communication -- this can be anything from bungled faxes to snarled mass transit to misunderstood personal relationships. It means checking and doublechecking, especially travel reservations, proofreading and then doing it again. It means that anything with moving parts can be troublesome. Misinterpretations are common.
You can read more about Mercury retrograde here. It is a time to slow down and take careful, thoughtful steps, to consider well before making important decisions. The period before and after the planet turns retrograde are shadow days, when its effects begin to be noticed.
Apparently, when it turns retrograde in your astrological sign -- which it is for both of us (Scorpio) -- the effects can be even more dramatic.
So maybe that IS what we've been feeling. It lasts for three weeks and then a few more shadow days, and by Dec. 4 things should be back to normal.
If you want to know more, just google "Mercury retrograde" and you'll get lots of hits. That is, if your computer is still working. No kidding. While I was writing this entry, my keyboard quit working. It started again after a few minutes, but I'm typing fast....
Mercury goes retrograde tomorrow, and while that could be dismissed as a bunch of hooey, I certainly have experienced its effects in the past. For most of us, Mercury affects communication -- this can be anything from bungled faxes to snarled mass transit to misunderstood personal relationships. It means checking and doublechecking, especially travel reservations, proofreading and then doing it again. It means that anything with moving parts can be troublesome. Misinterpretations are common.
You can read more about Mercury retrograde here. It is a time to slow down and take careful, thoughtful steps, to consider well before making important decisions. The period before and after the planet turns retrograde are shadow days, when its effects begin to be noticed.
Apparently, when it turns retrograde in your astrological sign -- which it is for both of us (Scorpio) -- the effects can be even more dramatic.
So maybe that IS what we've been feeling. It lasts for three weeks and then a few more shadow days, and by Dec. 4 things should be back to normal.
If you want to know more, just google "Mercury retrograde" and you'll get lots of hits. That is, if your computer is still working. No kidding. While I was writing this entry, my keyboard quit working. It started again after a few minutes, but I'm typing fast....
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Getting older...it's patch, patch, patch
I'm slowly un-numbing from another session with the dentist, and this temporary crown may be a little off because it's starting to hurt a bit. I'm nice and mellow, but his office is closed tomorrow, so I want to call today if it's going to give me problems.
UPDATE: Spent another hour and a half getting the temporary corrected, but it feels much better, although the gum is raw. Guess I'll just have to drink milkshakes, hm.
And I've got new contacts that let me see the street signs again. I've got the beginnings of cataracts (how can I be THAT OLD) and the doc has warned me that within the next 3-5 years I'll need surgery, and until then, we'll have prescription changes each year. I'll get new glasses ordered tomorrow. But when he tested my vision and proclaimed, "you can still pass your driver's test with that vision," I had one of those "who is he talking about?" moments. The thought of my not being able to pass a driver's vision test had NEVER occurred to me.
I'll tell ya, getting older has some disadvantages, and the user's manual doesn't tell you about these glitches -- actually, I'm still trying to find my copy, which I'm sure must be around here somewhere. I am increasingly in awe of the 80-90-somethings who keep going and doing, and I am trying to keep things running well enough that I can be one of them eventually. My great aunt Fran just celebrated her 100th birthday, and while she has some problems, she's in reasonably good shape.
The achey-breakeys also get worse as you get older, and things just aren't as flexible as they were, which is my biggest motivation for yoga. My balance is terrible, and that's certainly a state of age. Yoga may help with that too.
It's ironic that as you get wiser and better able to see things as they are, and to care a lot less about what others think -- in short, to become who you really are and be happy with that -- physical stuff starts to deteriorate. Now I know that a lot of that can be staved off with exercise, diet, attitude -- but some of it you just plain don't have any control over: it's in your genes.
And once again, it's back to doing all you can, where you are, with what you've got.
Looking good at 80
We saw Tim Conway and Harvey Korman last week, and while they may be older (Korman is nearly 80 and Conway is 73), they still have the ability to put an audience into stitches with their comedy. There is no show on tv -- for the past many years -- that compares at all with the Carol Burnett Show, Laugh In, and other shows of that era. I don't know if it's because the variety comedy show is too passe' for the demographics, or because there simply isn't a comic who has the versatility to perform week in and week out the way Carol and Harvey and Tim and Vickie Lawrence did.
Geeze. I sound like a geezer in training, don't I ... "they just don't make 'em like they usta, sonnyboy..."
But there's some new tricks left for this old dog
Just a year ago we started a photo club with a core group of nine who met in our living room. Today we number between 20 and 35 regulars at our meetings, which have outgrown most living rooms and are now held at a local agency.
And many of us submitted photos to our district fair which opened today. We had to check out the exhibit, of course, and ran into several fellow photographers in search of the prize winners. I'm thrilled to report that out of our 30 entries, we ribboned on EIGHT, including two blues -- one each. They'll be posted on our photo site.
I've taken photos over the years as part of various jobs, but never like I've been taking them since I got my own camera this past year. We're having a great time, learning new stuff (keeps the mind sharp, we're told), and wooing the creative muses.
A while back I found a bumper sticker that I liked: CRONE.
That's not necessarily considered a complimentary term, but it is the third of three stages in a woman's life -- the first two being maiden and mother. Usually associated with pagan/wiccan traditions, it also has roots in Native American, Norse, Celtic, Egyptian and Greek lore.
This bumper sticker, though, was an acronym.
C= Creative
R=Researcher
O=Of
N=New
E=Experiences.
I like it. I don't mind being a Crone in that respect. May I never stop seeking new experiences and creativity!
UPDATE: Spent another hour and a half getting the temporary corrected, but it feels much better, although the gum is raw. Guess I'll just have to drink milkshakes, hm.
And I've got new contacts that let me see the street signs again. I've got the beginnings of cataracts (how can I be THAT OLD) and the doc has warned me that within the next 3-5 years I'll need surgery, and until then, we'll have prescription changes each year. I'll get new glasses ordered tomorrow. But when he tested my vision and proclaimed, "you can still pass your driver's test with that vision," I had one of those "who is he talking about?" moments. The thought of my not being able to pass a driver's vision test had NEVER occurred to me.
I'll tell ya, getting older has some disadvantages, and the user's manual doesn't tell you about these glitches -- actually, I'm still trying to find my copy, which I'm sure must be around here somewhere. I am increasingly in awe of the 80-90-somethings who keep going and doing, and I am trying to keep things running well enough that I can be one of them eventually. My great aunt Fran just celebrated her 100th birthday, and while she has some problems, she's in reasonably good shape.
The achey-breakeys also get worse as you get older, and things just aren't as flexible as they were, which is my biggest motivation for yoga. My balance is terrible, and that's certainly a state of age. Yoga may help with that too.
It's ironic that as you get wiser and better able to see things as they are, and to care a lot less about what others think -- in short, to become who you really are and be happy with that -- physical stuff starts to deteriorate. Now I know that a lot of that can be staved off with exercise, diet, attitude -- but some of it you just plain don't have any control over: it's in your genes.
And once again, it's back to doing all you can, where you are, with what you've got.
Looking good at 80
We saw Tim Conway and Harvey Korman last week, and while they may be older (Korman is nearly 80 and Conway is 73), they still have the ability to put an audience into stitches with their comedy. There is no show on tv -- for the past many years -- that compares at all with the Carol Burnett Show, Laugh In, and other shows of that era. I don't know if it's because the variety comedy show is too passe' for the demographics, or because there simply isn't a comic who has the versatility to perform week in and week out the way Carol and Harvey and Tim and Vickie Lawrence did.
Geeze. I sound like a geezer in training, don't I ... "they just don't make 'em like they usta, sonnyboy..."
But there's some new tricks left for this old dog
Just a year ago we started a photo club with a core group of nine who met in our living room. Today we number between 20 and 35 regulars at our meetings, which have outgrown most living rooms and are now held at a local agency.
And many of us submitted photos to our district fair which opened today. We had to check out the exhibit, of course, and ran into several fellow photographers in search of the prize winners. I'm thrilled to report that out of our 30 entries, we ribboned on EIGHT, including two blues -- one each. They'll be posted on our photo site.
I've taken photos over the years as part of various jobs, but never like I've been taking them since I got my own camera this past year. We're having a great time, learning new stuff (keeps the mind sharp, we're told), and wooing the creative muses.
A while back I found a bumper sticker that I liked: CRONE.
That's not necessarily considered a complimentary term, but it is the third of three stages in a woman's life -- the first two being maiden and mother. Usually associated with pagan/wiccan traditions, it also has roots in Native American, Norse, Celtic, Egyptian and Greek lore.
This bumper sticker, though, was an acronym.
C= Creative
R=Researcher
O=Of
N=New
E=Experiences.
I like it. I don't mind being a Crone in that respect. May I never stop seeking new experiences and creativity!
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