Reverb 13, Day 2: Nourishment and the BEST moment

The prompts:

1. The way we nourish ourselves determines our ability to shine our light in the world. And nourishment doesn't just come in the form of food and drink and sunshine; it's equally important to nourish your spirit.
What made your soul feel most nourished this year?

2.  Shine: What was the best moment of 2013?

 Ah, nourishment of the soul: what feeds my spirit? 

 The arts, short answer. Theater, books, magazines, movies, music, even television. Creativity unfolding in story, notes on a scale, words on the page, actors and designers and directors creating timeless emotion and story. 

When I was recuperating from surgery, I literally could NOT do things and thus sat still for days. So I read more than I usually get to, devouring books and stories and articles daily and luxuriating in that freedom to just read. My first real excursion outside the house was to a play while I was still non-weight-bearing in a wheelchair. Nearly the first outing when I graduated to the boot and using a cane was to a play, the annual performance of The Vagina Monologues, held this year at Rolling Hills Casino. We watched movies a lot, have our favorite television shows.

They make me think. They stir my emotions and my beliefs. They help me find answers to hard questions, and ponder paths and options. Bits of music -- yes, even the dreaded earworms -- help me through difficult times and even pain (my iPod was with me in the hospital and got me through some hard and noisy hours). 

I am challenged and found and redeemed by the words I have read and seen this year, and I am so grateful for the ability to see and to hear them. 

The best moment of 2013: hmmmm.

I think the best moment was when we drove to our favorite Oregon coast spot in Bandon on our 13th wedding anniversary to spend a few days, and seeing our glorious Mama Ocean rolling in. It rained quite a bit while we were there, but we watched her from our windows facing in two directions and went places anyway. We met by the ocean 16 years ago and were married on the ocean. She never fails to settle our spirits and minimize our worries and fears, and we've happily spent many more days this year on her coast than we have in some time. But that day, May 20, we had come through months of surgery recovery and work and worry, and it was so good to be together by our beloved ocean and not to have a list of chores to do. It was a beautiful time away and apart from everything else.

Family relationships: setting healthy boundaries

Family connections are still very much on my mind these days, partly because of the situation with my cousin, but also because of a play that I'm going to do later this fall titled 'Night, Mother by Marsha Norman.


The play is about suicide; it is just the two women on stage for the whole time, and it is powerful, dramatic, and thought-provoking. When we did the read-through, several people present, including me, were in tears. And we realized from that experience that suicide touches more lives than we perhaps realize. There are preliminary plans to involve suicide prevention groups and mental health professionals to encourage better awareness and speak to the issues that so often surround suicidal thoughts and behaviors.


Watch for more information and performance dates.

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I've also been contemplating family relationships, both extended and nuclear, and how we behave with those we are closest to. Sometimes we are most unkind to those who we supposedly love the most -- perhaps because we feel secure that we will be loved in spite of our actions? Or is it that we put down our mask within our family circle and reveal what is really going on if anyone cares enough to look deeply enough?


I also think there are givers and there are takers in every family, in every group. The givers -- of which I am one and always have been, sometimes not healthily -- will put others' welfare above their own in many cases and sometimes to go extreme lengths to make sure the needs of others are met despite whatever sacrifice it may entail. One of my daughters has done this in the extreme with most of her relationships, and they have cost her dearly in money, material possessions, time, and mental and physical health. She has not yet learned how to draw  boundaries. And I was probably not the best role model for her when she was young.


It took me a long time to begin to establish boundaries, and I'm still learning, but it is necessary to become fully who we are. (I continue to daily repeat Mary Oliver's poem "The Journey" about saving the only life I can save -- which is mine.)

This article speaks to boundaries, saying among other goodies: " You can’t set a boundary and take care of someone else’s feelings at the same time. You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting."

It goes on to say that learning to set them is a process, and that you will do so as you are ready.

It's hard. It's not fun. But it IS liberating to take care of the only person I can really be responsible for -- myself.

There also are takers, who while they may give lip service to the needs of others, really want the attention to be on their needs, their wishes, their lives, and don't really want to listen to your stories. I've had experience with them in my family as well, although I'm finding that with some age and life experiences, some of the takers have achieved some balance in their actions and can give without expecting a return.

What makes us a giver or a taker? This article says it likely begins in childhood and how we are raised, what needs are met or ignored, how we are treated. And this one has some good exercises in how to begin to set them.

What is important now is that we can change. We can learn how to treat both ourselves and others with compassion and kindness. Setting boundaries is an act of self-love as well as an indication of acceptable behavior. It is not closing a door on a relationship, but rather an affirmation that both parties are important. 

"All My Sons" in Redding is marvelous material and strong acting

We went to see the Riverfront Playhouse's production of Arthur Miller's "All My Sons" this weekend. Riverfront is in Redding and where I did 'Steel Magnolias' in 2009.

It was easily the best play we've seen in the North State, including the touring companies that come to Redding. The acting was simply stellar -- there was not a weak link in the cast. The set was creative and detailed, moreso than many we've seen.

But you just can't beat the core material. Arthur Miller wrote this play back in 1947, some 63+ years ago, and it still stands up to scrutiny. It's period-specific in the plot line, but not in the message, which is universal and timeless.

We've seen a lot of plays at Riverfront in the last few years (and are sorry we missed out on so many since we've lived here), and honestly some of them should not have ever seen a spotlight. It's not the acting -- there are some excellent actors in this neck of the woods -- but the material.

As do so many community theaters, this one tries to put butts in seats to keep funds coming in. Not only are there the monthly bills to pay, but the theater is still raising funds for the new theater which has been purchased but needs major renovation before the first curtain is raised. Other groups in the area are helping, but it's always a major task, especially in these hard times, and northern CA has been hard-hit with the loss of construction-related jobs as well as others.

But this play should show the governing board that not only is there an audience for drama, good drama, but classic plays -- good, solid, engaging literature that challenges both the actors and the audiences. The actors in this production are mostly new to the area and are wonderfully talented. If you put it out there, the talent will appear. It did. It will. And I hope we see more like this.

Books - Day 14 -- favorite character

Day 14 – Favorite character in a book (of any sex or gender)

Probably my favorite character of all time is Katherine (Kate) from Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew." I love her strength, her wily, opinionated, vulnerable dialogue. I love her spirit and her temper. I love her independence, her interdependence, and that she does not, in the end, lose that spirit.

While the gender relationships in the play have been debated for centuries, I have always believed that at the end Kate and Petruchio are equals, each well suited to the other, and have found a comfortable relationship through their jabs and jests. Yet they respect who the other is, I believe, and relish that.

My dad read me this play when I was young, along with others of his favorites, and that has always colored my enjoyment of Shakespeare. He taught me that Shakespeare must be taught as theatre first, and that you truly cannot understand the plays unless you can visualize the staging. When I took a Shakespeare class in college, the teacher was all about the etymology of the words and phrases, and it took the joy out of it. When I taught it to high schoolers, we usually read it out loud and always had a model of the Globe Theatre handy for reference, as well as special projects about the times, the audiences, the actors, and the theatre itself.

It was the one role I always wanted to play and never have, save for a scene done in high school during a variety show for the student body. I loved every line of the dialogue: "If I be waspish, best beware my sting!"

I loved the Burton-Taylor coupling in the 1967 Franco Zeffirelli version and the lush colors and textures of the film. The lighting was a photographer's dream -- warm, deep, and vividly enhancing the landscapes, the costumes, and the sets. I loved the chemistry between the two fiery actors and the nuances of their interpretation of their characters. Given their passionate, often tumultuous relationship off-screen, this play might well have been written for them.

My daughter's middle name is Kate, so named after this independent, spirited woman who ended up in a deeply loving relationship of equals. May that eventually be so.