Two in one today -- yesterday's prompt:
Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
Facebook has been a developing source of community for me this year, but what it's done is to deepen friendships with people I met elsewhere (not online) because we comment back and forth nearly daily, or 'like' each other's comments, and then when we do see each other, we know more and feel more comfortable with each other. That online presence is growing into more regular face-to-face friendship.
I've also reconnected at least some with family members who I've not laid eyes on in decades, and a few long-ago friends from school or past jobs, and it's been fun to get a glimpse of where they are now. I'd hestitate to say that I 'know' them anymore; yet, through their comments, photos, even the games they choose to play, I can get the flavor, if not the substance.
For the coming year, I'd like to join/deepen a spiritual community, but not necessarily one based in a physical church/building. I am drawn to those who find spiritual nourishment in the earth, the moon, the heavens, and in support of each other.
************
And today's:
Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.
Man, this is hard for me. I see myself as different, but not often as beautiful. And yet my husband and some of my friends are so affirming of me and of who I am, and it helps me to see myself a little more through their eyes.
I do not play headgames or corporate political games very well at all, never have, and that has earned me the 'difficult to work with' label on occasion. I pretty much either say what I think or I shut up completely. I work to control my body language and my rubber face, because it's easy to see what I think or feel about something and I don't always want to advertise that.
As I age, I see that as a positive thing. I no longer need to be around people I don't like and don't trust just because it's the 'nice' thing to do, and I don't work with any of 'em anymore either. So I avoid being in situations where I encounter such folk.
I don't tolerate lying and meanness and bullsh*t well. At. All. Lying to me destroys trust quicker than anything else.
I work at being kind and compassionate, at being a loyal and true friend (I value loyalty very highly), at speaking my truth through my words both written and spoken, but not abrasively, at least deliberately. I try to listen with both my ears and my heart.
I have lots of experience with patience, with waiting, and although I chafe internally against it, I know that all things change eventually -- nothing lasts. I think I project calm assurance, generally, and people respond to that. It's sort of the 'fake it 'til you make it' attitude sometimes, but it usually works.
I sometimes have insights and intuitions about situations and ideas that are so clear and logical to me but which often strike others as innovative and creative. I'm told that I'm wise -- which I love -- but don't necessarily see it as wisdom, but rather opinion born from practicality and life experience. Perhaps that IS wisdom?
I have a wicked sense of humor and will find that nugget even in fairly grim-looking situations, sometimes to the exasperation of my daughters who have claimed I make a joke out of everything. I think that's better than falling to the ground sobbing in despair, however. I try to see the positive spin to every situation and to nearly every person (although there are a couple who I believe are just plain EVIL and beyond redemption at least in this life).
Although in the past I longed to be NOT tall with great hair that would curl gently around my shoulders, a body that was curvy but not plush, and a voice that didn't carry everywhere, I gave that up years ago. I like my eyes, my hair, my expressive face, my voice. I can see parades and performers over crowds of people, and in a hat and cape, I can wow a room.
I can soothe a crying baby or a troubled adult with my arms and my voice and my words. I can tell a story or play a part that keeps the audience hanging on my every word. I can reach most ears in a crowded room without benefit of a microphone. And I project confidence and calm. Mostly I like who I am; most importantly I've made peace with who I am.
Showing posts with label games. Show all posts
Showing posts with label games. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Setting boundaries
Learning to set reasonable boundaries is one of the hardest lessons we have to learn, especially if you are a 'giver' -- someone who helps (or enables) loved ones and friends, often without regard for your own needs.
In fact, givers often give because it's easier to help another to solve the problems in his/her life rather than dealing with the issues in your own life. It's easy to slip into co-dependency -- not a healthy situation for either party.
When the other person has an illness, an addiction, or has a lot of life stuff going on, it is so tempting to make excuses for them and to bend over backwards to accommodate their behavior -- usually at your expense in time, money, and anguish.
We all do that. "He's been going through a rough time at work." "She is taking care of her mom plus her kids, and it's been hard for her lately." "He's trying to quit drinking (smoking, drugs, etc.)"
I'd heard such excuses made about an acquaintance with whom I've had limited but necessary contact because of work or volunteer responsibilities. The few exchanges we've had have been unpleasant, never face-t0-face, but rather through e-mail where the individual impugned my motives, my knowledge, my work ethic, my journalistic ability, and my character, and also insulted through a separate-but-related e-mail a person with whom I work and for whom I have great respect.
I had done nothing to 'deserve' the attack. I had simply asked for information, politely and professionally.
I didn't answer the e-mail, much as I wanted to defend and explain myself. I learned some years ago that if you get down in the mud with the pigs, you get dirty and the pig loves it.
But I decided then and there that I would have nothing more to do with the person. Ever. No matter what.
Others have talked to me over the last few years about similar exchanges they've experienced, always adding that the person is (take your choice) mentally ill, unstable, like that to everyone... I'm definitely not the only target here. The point is that people always, ALWAYS add an 'explanation' for the attacker's behavior -- as though that somehow excuses the person's abusive words.
And then I learned that a group I care very much about is planning an event that directly involves the individual and is one from which the person might well profit. The planners are good friends -- people for whom I have great respect and admiration and who have done much work to see the activity come to fruition.
I won't be participating or attending. They know why and respect my choice.
Susan J. Elliott, in her blog Getting Past Your Past, writes about taking care of yourself in these kinds of situations:
She begins:
And there it is -- setting boundaries for yourself: Respecting who you are and what you bring to the table, and not allowing anyone to take that dignity away.
I have never played these kinds of games very well, either in my work or in my personal life. And as I get older, I am determined not to do them at all. So I step back or step out of situations that compromise my own values or dignity. I don't want to get sucked into drama because of another person's inability to cope with and resolve his/her own issues.
The Desiderata -- a philosophical poem that was popular in the 1960s and '70s, and which won a spoken word Grammy for radio announcer Les Crane -- hangs on my wall. Among other things, it instructs:
I've taken that to heart.
In fact, givers often give because it's easier to help another to solve the problems in his/her life rather than dealing with the issues in your own life. It's easy to slip into co-dependency -- not a healthy situation for either party.
When the other person has an illness, an addiction, or has a lot of life stuff going on, it is so tempting to make excuses for them and to bend over backwards to accommodate their behavior -- usually at your expense in time, money, and anguish.
We all do that. "He's been going through a rough time at work." "She is taking care of her mom plus her kids, and it's been hard for her lately." "He's trying to quit drinking (smoking, drugs, etc.)"
I'd heard such excuses made about an acquaintance with whom I've had limited but necessary contact because of work or volunteer responsibilities. The few exchanges we've had have been unpleasant, never face-t0-face, but rather through e-mail where the individual impugned my motives, my knowledge, my work ethic, my journalistic ability, and my character, and also insulted through a separate-but-related e-mail a person with whom I work and for whom I have great respect.
I had done nothing to 'deserve' the attack. I had simply asked for information, politely and professionally.
I didn't answer the e-mail, much as I wanted to defend and explain myself. I learned some years ago that if you get down in the mud with the pigs, you get dirty and the pig loves it.
But I decided then and there that I would have nothing more to do with the person. Ever. No matter what.
Others have talked to me over the last few years about similar exchanges they've experienced, always adding that the person is (take your choice) mentally ill, unstable, like that to everyone... I'm definitely not the only target here. The point is that people always, ALWAYS add an 'explanation' for the attacker's behavior -- as though that somehow excuses the person's abusive words.
And then I learned that a group I care very much about is planning an event that directly involves the individual and is one from which the person might well profit. The planners are good friends -- people for whom I have great respect and admiration and who have done much work to see the activity come to fruition.
I won't be participating or attending. They know why and respect my choice.
Susan J. Elliott, in her blog Getting Past Your Past, writes about taking care of yourself in these kinds of situations:
She begins:
"I have to say that lately I’ve been hearing A LOT about people taking WAY too much responsibility for not being “understanding” enough because their partner had some sort of “condition” (ADHD, depression, grief, mental illness, alcoholism, etc etc etc).
People who are suffering from any one thing have two responsibilities: 1) to get help for it and 2) to not abuse or use or mistreat anyone while they are suffering.
There are NO excuses for abusing or mistreating anyone. I don’t care who you are or what your affliction is. You have no right. Not for a day, an hour, or a second...." Read more here.
And there it is -- setting boundaries for yourself: Respecting who you are and what you bring to the table, and not allowing anyone to take that dignity away.
I have never played these kinds of games very well, either in my work or in my personal life. And as I get older, I am determined not to do them at all. So I step back or step out of situations that compromise my own values or dignity. I don't want to get sucked into drama because of another person's inability to cope with and resolve his/her own issues.
The Desiderata -- a philosophical poem that was popular in the 1960s and '70s, and which won a spoken word Grammy for radio announcer Les Crane -- hangs on my wall. Among other things, it instructs:
"...Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit..."
they are vexatious to the spirit..."
I've taken that to heart.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Fun with the Bunco Babes
I play Bunco once a month with a group of 12-16 other women, mostly in the 50-70 age range. I know there are other Bunco groups in Red Bluff -- in fact, there was a charity event for Bunco sometime this past spring that drew a pretty good crowd.
So just what is Bunco?
It's mindless. Totally and completely mindless.
We eat. We giggle. We throw dice. We snack. We throw more dice. We count. We shriek with laughter when someone gets a Bunco. We eat more. Some of 'em drink wine. Some of 'em don't need to drink wine because they're loopy enough without it.
It is a girlfriends night out for all of us, and that is the real value of the game. It's been around since the late 1800s and there are groups who have been playing together for many years -- through marriages, births, deaths, cancer, grandchildren.
It's the personalities of the women that make it so fun -- that, and the light-up crown and Mardi Gras beads you get to wear when you throw a bunco (three of a kind in the correct number sequence of the round -- that is, you throw 3 ones in the first round of a game.)
There are just lucky people in this world, you know what I mean? They're the ones that win at the casino, always get a doorprize, probably win lottery money if they buy tickets. And we have a couple in our Bunco Babes group. They just always win something -- buncos, money (we each chip in $5 for the kitty, and then we divvy it up at the end of the evening).
There are the cooks: every time we meet at their houses, we eat very well -- all sorts of dips and hors d'oeurves and candies and sweets. Not much storebought anything there.
The queen: well, what can I say. She organized the group two years ago, is a bubbly, outgoing, fun-loving, funny person -- who was a friend of mine in another life too -- and last night she had us laughing hysterically and applauding when she .....
Umm. The first rule of Bunco is that happens at Bunco stays at Bunco.
So I can't tell.
(but one of us has pictures....)
We have women who were teachers, real estate agents, secretaries. We have moms and grandmothers. We have at least one writer (*grin*). We just celebrated when one of us got her pilot's license -- and oohed and ahhed over another's pictures of her first grandchild.
Everyone should have a Bunco group like this: girlfriends who are there for each other, to pat you on the back and say "there, there" when something is wrong, to laugh with over silly things, to cry with you when you hurt. I am grateful for these wonderful, solid women who are my friends.
Oh. Several of the husbands have started meeting during our Bunco nights too -- they're calling it "Manco" -- or "UnBunco." They watch movies where there are lots of loud noises, oftentimes guns, sometimes horses and sheriffs out in the Old West, or guys in fatigues crawling through jungles. They eat pizza and other manly snacks. I dunno if they drink beer too, but they seem to have a good time at Manco. Good for them.
So just what is Bunco?
It's mindless. Totally and completely mindless.
We eat. We giggle. We throw dice. We snack. We throw more dice. We count. We shriek with laughter when someone gets a Bunco. We eat more. Some of 'em drink wine. Some of 'em don't need to drink wine because they're loopy enough without it.
It is a girlfriends night out for all of us, and that is the real value of the game. It's been around since the late 1800s and there are groups who have been playing together for many years -- through marriages, births, deaths, cancer, grandchildren.
It's the personalities of the women that make it so fun -- that, and the light-up crown and Mardi Gras beads you get to wear when you throw a bunco (three of a kind in the correct number sequence of the round -- that is, you throw 3 ones in the first round of a game.)
There are just lucky people in this world, you know what I mean? They're the ones that win at the casino, always get a doorprize, probably win lottery money if they buy tickets. And we have a couple in our Bunco Babes group. They just always win something -- buncos, money (we each chip in $5 for the kitty, and then we divvy it up at the end of the evening).
There are the cooks: every time we meet at their houses, we eat very well -- all sorts of dips and hors d'oeurves and candies and sweets. Not much storebought anything there.
The queen: well, what can I say. She organized the group two years ago, is a bubbly, outgoing, fun-loving, funny person -- who was a friend of mine in another life too -- and last night she had us laughing hysterically and applauding when she .....
Umm. The first rule of Bunco is that happens at Bunco stays at Bunco.
So I can't tell.
(but one of us has pictures....)
We have women who were teachers, real estate agents, secretaries. We have moms and grandmothers. We have at least one writer (*grin*). We just celebrated when one of us got her pilot's license -- and oohed and ahhed over another's pictures of her first grandchild.
Everyone should have a Bunco group like this: girlfriends who are there for each other, to pat you on the back and say "there, there" when something is wrong, to laugh with over silly things, to cry with you when you hurt. I am grateful for these wonderful, solid women who are my friends.
Oh. Several of the husbands have started meeting during our Bunco nights too -- they're calling it "Manco" -- or "UnBunco." They watch movies where there are lots of loud noises, oftentimes guns, sometimes horses and sheriffs out in the Old West, or guys in fatigues crawling through jungles. They eat pizza and other manly snacks. I dunno if they drink beer too, but they seem to have a good time at Manco. Good for them.
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