#Reverb 15 -- March -- Decluttering

The prompt: Spring favorites | Cleaning out the closet, updating your beauty regime, tackling DIY projects.  What are your favorites this spring?

I swear that I am in a constant state of decluttering....closet twice a year when I switch from warm clothes to cool clothes, the office every time I sit down at my very messy desk, the kitchen when I open a messy drawer, the linen closet weekly when I put away clean, folded sheets. And don't get me started on the attic.

It just never quite seems to come together, though. There is always more to do. It is never finished.

The last few months have been interesting, though, in that through my reiki group and increasing passion for this healing modality, I have read more about astrological influences and energy involvement than I have ever studied. This past week, for instance, was a huge week with a new super moon, a solar eclipse, and the spring equinox. There were other astrological references that I only vaguely understand, but involving cycles and degrees, beginnings and endings.

I understand beginnings and endings. And the energy felt tumultuous, big, charged. It was a time for big change, a time to let go of things that no longer serve our best interests to make way for new things to come into our lives. It was a time for evaluating everything, including relationships and projects. And its effects continue through the next six months, so no, I didn't have to get everything done this week.

But I'm embracing this spiritual journey that reiki seems to have launched me into, planning to continue training with three days of level two training coming up, and opportunities for 'woo-woo' workshops appearing. I am appreciating the energy and wisdom that my little group of reiki students/practitioners offers, and learning so much.

Practically, I'm again cleaning out closets as I contemplate cool clothes (since our winter appears to be quite over), and discarding bits of paper, cosmetics, medicines, tubes, boxes, and the like that accumulate in drawers over time. I am finally throwing out three bags of fabric that I cut into pattern sections (along with the now outdated patterns) oh so many years ago, facing the truth that no, I will not ever sew them, and wouldn't wear them anymore anyway. More, more, more of this kind of cleaning out!

And more more more of the 'woo-woo' experiences that are resonating with my deepest self right now.

#Reverb 14, Day 26

Energy: What gave you energy this year?  What took away your energy?

Energy. I have never been so aware of energy and how it comes to us, what we give ours to, whether it is positive or negative. That's thanks to my reiki group which began meeting slightly less than a year ago, and which is so focused on our energies and how they manifest. 

Two years ago I was slated for foot surgery in late December,  involved in a group that had a lot of chaotic energy, and acting as payee for my daughter who was in a basically negative living situation but seemed unable to get herself out of it (for a lot of reasons). My own energy was afraid and angry a lot of the time, and the foot that was getting cut on felt like a piece of wood, which also was concerning. I felt pulled in so many directions and none of them positive. 

And I knew that prescriptions and Western medicine were not going to help me with this. So I went in desperation to a woman I knew slightly who did energy work and asked -- almost begged-- her for help. 

WOW. Everything changed. With her help and counsel, I went into that surgery unafraid, positive about the outcome, and feeling so much more peaceful about where I was. 

That work has carried me to today, facing surgery again (this time to take out the hardware that was put into my ankle two years ago), and blessed with a supportive group who believe in the power of energy to heal and to change lives. 

I have actively worked on keeping my energy charged and healing as well, and try hard to avoid getting enmeshed in people, places or events that sap it, releasing relationships and memberships when necessary, or changing how I react to others. 

It is intentional, this good energy, and takes the realization that all is temporary -- good, bad, ugly, hard, easy. It all changes eventually. What I can control is my own reaction, and I try to keep that focused on the positive, the good healing energy, by deliberately meditating on it, praying, practicing reiki, and being kind both to me and to others. 

Yes, there are not so good days. But I have control over how that affects me. And I choose positive energy. 

#Reverb 14, Day 18

1. What nourishes your soul? How would you like to incorporate more of this into your life in 2015?

2. Ah ha moment: Did you have an “ah ha” moment this year?  Was it a big one?  Or just a small enlightenment?

1. My reiki group began to meet early in 2014, and it has nourished the spiritual yearning within me all year, although I want more -- and we are bonding as a group and beginning to deepen what we're doing. I think there are more people hungry for spirit these days, and sometimes the traditional church doesn't quite fill all that need. The wonderful thing about the reiki/spirit group is that it is compatible with any religious practice, so doesn't replace church participation and membership or beliefs. I love that, not that I am a part of a church here, but some of our members are.

As we have gotten to know each other better, we are contributing talents and interests to shape what we are doing, and being open to opportunity to learn and experience more.

At one meeting, we brought drums or instruments and enjoyed a musical circle with lots of energy and rhythm, drawing spirit energy in a big way. One result of that meeting was that I now have my own drum, a heart spirit drum made for me by a craftsman that one of our circle knows well, and at least two more are ordering drums for themselves. 

At the Winter Solstice yesterday (clearly I'm writing this post a few days late!), we met at one of our group's home in the country and gathered by a little singing creek in a green meadow. It's been rainy here for most of December (and we aren't complaining since California has been in such a drought), but yesterday was fairly mild with only a slight mist in the air. We had a fire going to warm up our drums and ourselves, and we invited spirit with a wonderful drum and flute circle, ceremoniously discarded those things that no longer wish to carry with us, and set intention for the new year. We laughed, played, prayed, drummed, and welcomed the Return of the Sunchild to us. And then we ate chocolate and toffees and bourbon balls and cinnamon sticks and tangerines and persimmons and coffee and tea. It was a glorious day.

More of that. Every quarter at least. 

2. I don't remember a huge 'ah-ha' moment this year. There was a realization moment -- perhaps an 'ah-ha' -- when my cardiologist told us that I was the 'perfect' candidate for an ablation and that it could get rid of my afib and allow me, perhaps, to get off heart meds and blood thinners. I remember thinking "yeah, no, maybe in the future" and then went home and read about the procedure. Processed it, as I do with most major decisions. Resisted. Thought. Talked. Watched some videos. And then saw my doctor a few weeks later and told her I was ready to do it. The EP called me the next day to schedule an appointment. It could change the quality of my life completely. 

It has. 

I am off blood thinners and heart meds. I have been in normal sinus rhythm since Aug. 25. (and yes, I know that the heart can take up to a year to heal, and that yes, afib can come back). For now, I'm good. I'm so grateful. And it is a big 'ah-ha' to feel normal heart rate and rhythm EVERY DAY.

 

  

#Reverb 14, Day 10

1. Generosity is free of obligations; it opens the heart, and creates warmth and connection between the giver and receiver. When I cultivate generosity the holidays become something I look forward to sharing with my loved ones.

Look back at the last year and consider: how did generosity open your heart? How can you cultivate generosity in the coming year?

2. Leap of faith: What decision did you make this year that was a leap of faith?  Did it work out?  Or not?

 1. I was especially blessed this year with friends who said prayers and/or sent me reiki energy for my cardiac ablation at the end of August, and a group of local women who spent time with me in reiki sessions to boost my energy and calm my fears before the procedure. The result was miraculous: I was not afraid at all to go into this procedure, and indeed felt as though I was literally cushioned with love and prayers both before and after it. That generosity has continued and has had great results too, as I have been afib-free, at least as far as I can feel it, ever since -- nearly four months now. 

Because of that kindness and loving energy, I have been available when others have needed help or prayers for themselves or their loved ones, and have been lucky enough to participate in several hands-on sessions to help people who are frightened or worried, in addition to including them in my own daily prayers.

There are some wonderfully generous people in our community who inspire and challenge me to be more generous as well with my time, my gifts, and through prayers and actions. I am so grateful to those who have shown me such generosity, and their actions make me want to reciprocate, to pay it forward and also repay it. 

2. I feel a bit like a broken record when I talk so much about the ablation, but it truly was not only a huge step for me in overcoming long-standing fear and anxiety, but also required a huge leap of faith. Ablation does not always work: often the heart can heal the burns a little too well and the afib or flutter comes back, requiring a second procedure, and sometimes even a third. Some people have had multiple procedures without relief. 

While it can take the heart up to a year to truly heal, I have passed the first nearly four months without recurrence of either afib or flutter, at least as far as I can tell. As part of the three-month evaluation I wore a monitor for two weeks which is still being evaluated, and I expect to hear from my cardiologist/electrophysiologist soon about the findings -- but I feel positive about it. And I'd do it again if I needed to. 

Talk about needing to trust! A skilled team threads a tiny catheter up your femoral artery to your heart, pokes a hole in the heart to get to the left ventricle, and proceeds to burn tiny wounds around the pulmonary veins and other areas where they find afib, which interrupt the wonky electrical circuit that causes these problems. 

So far, so good. I am so grateful!

#Reverb 14, Day 8

1. The hectic pace of our lives can make it difficult to remain connected to the things and the people that matter the most to us. We get wrapped up in our work or our busyness and connection falls by the wayside. 

How have you created and/or sustained connections in your life this year?

2. Hero: Who was your hero this year? Tell us why. What makes a hero in your eyes?

1. This is a blessing of retirement, I think -- to be able to spend time when and how and with whom you want. And yet there are still friends I seldom see or talk to, not because I don't want the connection, but because we get caught up in routines and travel and simply don't follow through. 

Friendship requires intention to sustain no matter what age we are, or to what degree our 'busy-ness' takes over our lives. When I was younger, I still found time to be with friends, to write letters or call (since there was no email nor cell phones back in the olden days). Not sure how I did it, but I made the time because it was important to do so.

Facebook has been a wonderful way for me to maintain some connection with friends I don't see or talk with  ear-to-ear very often, to strengthen some familial ties that have never been strong because of great distance between our homes, and even to nurture friendships that are much more local. This year I got to see a cousin I hadn't seen in, oh, more than 40 years, in great part because of the connection we'd established through Facebook! I try not to be a nuisance by reposting too much stuff, but making my comments personal. By reading posts and seeing pictures, I can get a much better idea of what is going on in the lives of some friends, what they like and don't like, and learn a lot about them. That is fun and interesting, and I hope they feel the same way about what I post!

The new reiki study and practice group that I began attending early this year has been the best new connection, however, meeting monthly but often connecting more than that through a FB group and/or meeting for a reiki session. Most of the members are new friends for me, and I am loving getting to know them better both through our meetings and classes, but also through our FB group and their pages. 

Social media can be a total pain and too much of an obsession, but it also can really help build connections when used responsibly and honestly. 

I still like sending emails (seldom snail mail any more), though, and for the past several years have sent a brief email five days a week to a few family members and friends (added at their request) just to stay in touch and let them know I'm thinking of them every day. I always include a quote that either I need to hear or think they do. I don't expect a reply from any of them, but occasionally get a response that lets me know my correspondence is appreciated. It's sort of like a little prayer for each of them as I send it -- and it blesses me too. 

And I've gotten a few snail mail cards from friends and/or family too, non-birthday ones, that have made me feel loved and blessed. It may be old-fashioned, but there can be a real pleasure in re-reading a note or a card that sits on your table or desk. I'd like to be more intentional about sending those this next year.

2. While I hadn't thought of her as a 'hero,' I have a friend and teacher and neighbor who has been such a wonderful friend and mentor and teacher to me this year especially.  Jessie Woods is a local business owner (The Gold Exchange) who is usually at the forefront of any downtown business promotion, but also is an incredibly creative and generous person who gives her time, expertise, and money to charitable causes, and sponsors several of them. 

She is also a reiki master and my teacher, and has donated space for our reiki group to meet and practice. And she has been right there for me every time I have asked for help with healing mind or spirit, even when I know she has been busy with meetings and her own business. 

She puts her beliefs and words into generous and thoughtful actions in a way I've seldom seen. And her example makes me want to donate my money and energy to others, to be kind and available when I'm asked for help, and to live my own beliefs in a positive and helpful way.

I am so grateful for her example and presence in my life and in our town, and for her leadership and generosity in establishing our reiki study group. We are all blessed who participate in it, and who know her.  Jessie makes a difference in the lives of many people in our area, and she inspires me to be kinder, more generous, and to keep learning and growing. Thank you, my friend.

#Reverb 14, Day 7

1. Please post your favourite picture of yourself from 2014, self-portrait or otherwise!

2. Victory Laps: What was your biggest accomplishment this year?

This was taken in June at Collier Memorial State Park in Oregon where we were camping, not that you can see much of it! 

2. My biggest accomplishment? Overcoming the extreme anxiety and fear related to my heart and atrial fibrillation to have a cardiac ablation in August. So far, so good.  

In no small measure, that is because of the reiki group and training I've had this year. I am so grateful to this little group of strong, spiritual, kind women who have helped me through the fear into a place of peace.