For those of you who do not want to read my take on a political issue, stop now. Don't bother to comment.
Along with millions of others, I have watched and celebrated the decisions this week handed down by the Supreme Court of the United States. It's not that either of them directly affect me now; it's that they do impact my friends and family, along with so many millions who have worked so long and so hard to make them happen, who have prayed for them to happen, whose lives are changed for the good because they happened.
But this post is not directly about either decision.
It's about seeing that a Facebook friend 'liked' a post by someone else that piqued my curiosity enough for me to go read the post.
The accompanying picture showed the White House illuminated by rainbow lights -- an image that was all over social media. But this original poster had written about how disturbing the picture was -- not because of the ruling, but because of the "fucking clown who lives here" and who "feels it's his right to involve himself in your life...." The post ended by saying that Americans are slaves and sheep to the media and the lies "the pompous ass who lives in this house dictates."
Whoa, Nellie.
So....President Obama is responsible for the marriage equality ruling? Huh? Because of his lies and fabrications? Because he wants to control our lives?
We learn early in school -- well, at least I did -- that our government has three branches in order to act as checks and balances for the others. We learn how they function. And we learn that the Supreme Court's job is to make sure our state and federal laws and our President's actions are within the boundaries set by the Constitution. (There is more basic info here...)
The President had nothing to do with the Court's decision(s). Under our Constitution and our laws, he could not assume that power. The Congress didn't either. Nor did the media, folks.
The Court decided the way they did based on the Constitution and how the case that was argued before them is interpreted through Constitutional law. Nothing else.
This post was clearly from someone who hates our President. HATES him fiercely and irrationally and vengefully. And while all our Presidents have had their haters (I was no fan of George W. Bush, believe me), President Obama has been the subject of more vitriolic venom and vengeful action than ever before (or, as in the recent Congress, INaction, deliberately and for no other reason than the Republican Congress HATED that Obama was in the White House and made a pact not to pass any Democratic bills).
The primary basis for this hatred is race. You know it; I know it; they know it. It just KILLS them to see a black family in the White House, a black man as the leader of our United States. Any other reason given is way secondary to this fact. It's just not acceptable to publicly hate on a black man in power because of his color; especially not when he is our duly elected President (by a MAJORITY of the voters, by the way). So the haters always find another way to justify their diatribes and hate speech, even when Obama had nothing to do with the reason the haters state -- like this Supreme Court ruling, for instance. It's his race, people. His black skin. That's the real reason.
In truth, however, President Obama has been an extremely influential leader (despite the Republicans in Congress). Most remarkable is that he actually managed to get a national healthcare bill passed -- a feat attempted by leaders of both parties since 1912. But there is a lot more on his star chart. Read the article.
(I have absolutely NO doubt that if Hillary Clinton becomes the next President of the United States that she will be the next target for extreme hatred and vilification by the conservative camps. And that, friends, will be because of her sex: a woman? In the White House? As the Commander in Chief? Leader of the free world? A WOMAN?)
So yes, this post disturbed me a lot. The fact that someone I know 'liked' what the poster wrote disturbs me too. It's worth pointing out that both the original poster and the person I know have many inspirational and motivational posts on their public pages -- comments that urge people to keep going, to stay positive, to be who you are and embrace life, among others. To write or approve of something so full of hate and contempt (on so many levels, from the full text in the original post) seems to belie their good words of hope and encouragement and acceptance. I'm not sure you can do both and actually live what you purport to believe.
There is a popular quote by Janis Ian making its way around social media: "We don't have to agree on anything to be kind to one another."
Maybe that doesn't extend to politics, to Supreme Court decisions, or Democrat-Republican, liberal or conservative differences and opinions. Or religion, especially when one religion sees itself as the only right way and everybody else is wrong, no question, no arguments. Or social justice issues, where everyone is equal but some are a little more equal than others, especially if you have money, are male, and are white.
But I think it does.
However:
*** Do not make the mistake of thinking that I am a Pollyanna who never sees the ugly side of anything. Do not think for one moment that I do not know what it is to lobby and fight hard for issues I believe in, or to be bitterly disappointed in the actions and inactions of others, especially politicians, but also corporate management. Do not label me as a do-gooder, knee-jerk liberal Yankee Democrat who doesn't know what the "real" world is like. And especially do not dismiss my incredibly good research skills, my ability to write an impactful letter or testimony or opinion piece, and my Scorpio nature. All while being kind, of course....
Showing posts with label kindness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kindness. Show all posts
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
April Moon 15, Day 2
The prompt: Knowing what I know now, I would tell my ten-years-ago self:
Ten years ago I was 57. It was 2005, and we were full-on into our real estate career, busy, active, working hard.
My mother was slipping bit by bit, too many miles away from me. I was on the Arts Council and very busy with that volunteer work. We were about to launch a new photo club which would meet with nine people in our great room on that first meeting, and which, ten years later, has morphed into something a bit different than our original ideas, but is still going strong.
I'd come a long way, however, and really was well-launched on a good path for me. But there are a few things.....
Today I would tell that person who was me then to let it go. The people-pleasing. The fear. The resentment. The anger. The only thing all of that angst will change is ME, and not necessarily for the better. It will not change the people, places, or things at which the fear and anger are directed.
I would gift myself with Mary Oliver's miracle-working poem "The Journey" and memorize it. And I'd read more Mary Oliver poems.
I would remind myself that the most important thing about life are friends and family -- and honestly, I was already very aware of that in 2005, but still too trusting, too ready to accept people as honest and true. People are often not what they seem to be, even dear, close, loved ones. That is a bitter, bitter pill to swallow and process. Lack of trust, deception, lies, and fear are devastating.
I would pull that back in myself, me who had always given too much and carried too many others along, trying to fix it all for them. I wish I had known -- and understood -- then:
From "The Journey", in Dream Work (1986)
I would give myself permission to have more fun, to be more spontaneous (something I still don't do enough of), to enjoy things.
I would be grateful for each day for my health, although I was already working to keep it good.
I would remind myself that I am strong and capable and that I can weather some terrible disappointments and griefs, and still be loving and kind.
And I would tell myself to be kinder: to myself, to my family and friends, to clerks, to telephone callers, to random people I see on the street. Judgement serves little purpose: kindness does.
Ten years ago I was 57. It was 2005, and we were full-on into our real estate career, busy, active, working hard.
My mother was slipping bit by bit, too many miles away from me. I was on the Arts Council and very busy with that volunteer work. We were about to launch a new photo club which would meet with nine people in our great room on that first meeting, and which, ten years later, has morphed into something a bit different than our original ideas, but is still going strong.
I'd come a long way, however, and really was well-launched on a good path for me. But there are a few things.....
Today I would tell that person who was me then to let it go. The people-pleasing. The fear. The resentment. The anger. The only thing all of that angst will change is ME, and not necessarily for the better. It will not change the people, places, or things at which the fear and anger are directed.
I would gift myself with Mary Oliver's miracle-working poem "The Journey" and memorize it. And I'd read more Mary Oliver poems.
I would remind myself that the most important thing about life are friends and family -- and honestly, I was already very aware of that in 2005, but still too trusting, too ready to accept people as honest and true. People are often not what they seem to be, even dear, close, loved ones. That is a bitter, bitter pill to swallow and process. Lack of trust, deception, lies, and fear are devastating.
I would pull that back in myself, me who had always given too much and carried too many others along, trying to fix it all for them. I wish I had known -- and understood -- then:
You strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do,
determined to save
the only life you could save.
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do,
determined to save
the only life you could save.
“
”
I would give myself permission to have more fun, to be more spontaneous (something I still don't do enough of), to enjoy things.
I would be grateful for each day for my health, although I was already working to keep it good.
I would remind myself that I am strong and capable and that I can weather some terrible disappointments and griefs, and still be loving and kind.
And I would tell myself to be kinder: to myself, to my family and friends, to clerks, to telephone callers, to random people I see on the street. Judgement serves little purpose: kindness does.
Saturday, January 03, 2015
#Reverb 14, Day 25
Thanks and Gratitude: What are you so grateful for? How did you count your blessings in 2014?
I don't even know where to begin on this one. I have practiced active gratitude every day this year, with prayers morning and night (and often in between). Actually, I have intentionally practiced gratitude for more than 30 years...the "attitude of gratitude" was drilled into me at one point, and it has become a way of living.
But especially as I grow older, there are so many itty bitty things, alongside the big huge ones, that I am grateful for -- hot water in my shower, a good parking place at a store, a meal where everything came together just right, a day without afib, a phone call from a friend, a reiki session that really hit home....
I am so grateful for my husband, my home, my kitties. For no afib, at least right now. For enough of everything. I am grateful for our relatively drama-free life.
So. Many. So. Much.
I try to give back to others through donations, through being kind or helpful, by trying to be thoughtful and accommodating (but not to the point of people-pleasing, something I have worked on for years now). Kindness is such an important quality, and one we have not always been taught. So I work on being kind and not so judgmental, either of others or myself.
I don't even know where to begin on this one. I have practiced active gratitude every day this year, with prayers morning and night (and often in between). Actually, I have intentionally practiced gratitude for more than 30 years...the "attitude of gratitude" was drilled into me at one point, and it has become a way of living.
But especially as I grow older, there are so many itty bitty things, alongside the big huge ones, that I am grateful for -- hot water in my shower, a good parking place at a store, a meal where everything came together just right, a day without afib, a phone call from a friend, a reiki session that really hit home....
I am so grateful for my husband, my home, my kitties. For no afib, at least right now. For enough of everything. I am grateful for our relatively drama-free life.
So. Many. So. Much.
I try to give back to others through donations, through being kind or helpful, by trying to be thoughtful and accommodating (but not to the point of people-pleasing, something I have worked on for years now). Kindness is such an important quality, and one we have not always been taught. So I work on being kind and not so judgmental, either of others or myself.
Friday, December 05, 2014
Reverb 14, Day 5
1. What is the sound of your own voice?
2. Letting go: For next year, I’m letting go of…
1. In browsing through a few other blogs, I see that some have interpreted this prompt very literally, as in 'what do you sound like'? I have a good speaking voice -- clear, moderately pitched, from the diaphragm rather than the throat, and I enunciate well -- all those speech classes, I suppose, and the acting. I can project -- or used to be able to -- to the back of a sizeable room -- unfortunately, it also took a long time to learn how NOT to project and to lower the volume when I was talking in a group or to a friend.
But I think this prompt asks us more to listen to who we are, the authentic person within. When we speak, who is talking? The good daughter or wife or mother who does what she is expected to do, but not necessarily what she wants to do? The employee who is careful not to express opinions too different from those of her peers (even though she has some strong opinions that may differ wildly from those of others)? The friend who is aware that she is perhaps being taken advantage of, but doesn't want to cause the friendship to crash and burn -- for a lot of reasons? The volunteer who is burned out because nobody else seems to step up to the plate?
Each has its own voice, but when we utter the words, we learn a little more about who we want to be in addition to who we are.
As I have aged, all those other voices have melded -- or are melding -- into one voice: who I really am and what I really think. Mostly. What I have learned is to keep my counsel a little more carefully, too. I still don't want to offend, but I have learned that saying nothing is often the most powerful statement. I have learned that those who are truly my friends will hear me loud and clear, and that I have nothing to fear by allowing them to do so -- in fact, it deepens and ripens a friendship. I no longer have to please an employer. And I pretty much do as I like, with little regard for what anyone expects me to do!
Speak your truth. Be who you are. Be kind, but be honest. That is the sound of your own voice.
2. Let it go, let it gooooooo....
Like most everyone else, I loved and related to Elsa's song in "Frozen" and have actively worked on letting stuff go for decades now, long before the song was a note in someone's brain.
And for decades I have worked to let go of the self-criticism, the judgement I heap on myself, and the people-pleaser part of me that worries about whether I'm fitting in or saying the right things or doing the right things so that others will judge me favorably. Yeah.Yuk.
I've come a really long way with that. I probably will never be there completely, but I care a whole lot less about it than I used to, and I'm way more gentle with myself. This year I have actively started to work on the almost subconscious judgement towards others: the part that says "doesn't that woman look in a mirror before she goes out like that?" Or "look at those filthy pants, and down around his knees! Yuk! I can see his boxers!" Or "those kids are totally out of control and there is no one in sight -- who DOES that!" Or "geeze, that tattoo is so offensive! Why would someone do that?"
And so on. It is so ingrained in me -- and I suspect in most of us -- that I have to consciously stop the train of thought, and I have started to say a little prayer for the person as soon as I notice the judgement. I don't know what their lives are like. I don't know what kind of parents they had or why they do what they do.
Most importantly, it is NOT MY LIFE TO MANAGE.
So I'll continue letting such judgement go in 2015 -- the judgement that looks in the mirror with unkind eyes, and the judgement that looks at others with unkind eyes.
2. Letting go: For next year, I’m letting go of…
1. In browsing through a few other blogs, I see that some have interpreted this prompt very literally, as in 'what do you sound like'? I have a good speaking voice -- clear, moderately pitched, from the diaphragm rather than the throat, and I enunciate well -- all those speech classes, I suppose, and the acting. I can project -- or used to be able to -- to the back of a sizeable room -- unfortunately, it also took a long time to learn how NOT to project and to lower the volume when I was talking in a group or to a friend.
But I think this prompt asks us more to listen to who we are, the authentic person within. When we speak, who is talking? The good daughter or wife or mother who does what she is expected to do, but not necessarily what she wants to do? The employee who is careful not to express opinions too different from those of her peers (even though she has some strong opinions that may differ wildly from those of others)? The friend who is aware that she is perhaps being taken advantage of, but doesn't want to cause the friendship to crash and burn -- for a lot of reasons? The volunteer who is burned out because nobody else seems to step up to the plate?
Each has its own voice, but when we utter the words, we learn a little more about who we want to be in addition to who we are.
As I have aged, all those other voices have melded -- or are melding -- into one voice: who I really am and what I really think. Mostly. What I have learned is to keep my counsel a little more carefully, too. I still don't want to offend, but I have learned that saying nothing is often the most powerful statement. I have learned that those who are truly my friends will hear me loud and clear, and that I have nothing to fear by allowing them to do so -- in fact, it deepens and ripens a friendship. I no longer have to please an employer. And I pretty much do as I like, with little regard for what anyone expects me to do!
Speak your truth. Be who you are. Be kind, but be honest. That is the sound of your own voice.
2. Let it go, let it gooooooo....
Like most everyone else, I loved and related to Elsa's song in "Frozen" and have actively worked on letting stuff go for decades now, long before the song was a note in someone's brain.
And for decades I have worked to let go of the self-criticism, the judgement I heap on myself, and the people-pleaser part of me that worries about whether I'm fitting in or saying the right things or doing the right things so that others will judge me favorably. Yeah.Yuk.
I've come a really long way with that. I probably will never be there completely, but I care a whole lot less about it than I used to, and I'm way more gentle with myself. This year I have actively started to work on the almost subconscious judgement towards others: the part that says "doesn't that woman look in a mirror before she goes out like that?" Or "look at those filthy pants, and down around his knees! Yuk! I can see his boxers!" Or "those kids are totally out of control and there is no one in sight -- who DOES that!" Or "geeze, that tattoo is so offensive! Why would someone do that?"
And so on. It is so ingrained in me -- and I suspect in most of us -- that I have to consciously stop the train of thought, and I have started to say a little prayer for the person as soon as I notice the judgement. I don't know what their lives are like. I don't know what kind of parents they had or why they do what they do.
Most importantly, it is NOT MY LIFE TO MANAGE.
So I'll continue letting such judgement go in 2015 -- the judgement that looks in the mirror with unkind eyes, and the judgement that looks at others with unkind eyes.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Reverb 13: Day 9 -- Inspired surprises
1. Who inspired you in 2013? And why?
What gifts did they give you? And how will you carry these forward in to 2014?
2. Surprise | What surprised you the most this year?
1. I was inspired most this year by the generosity of friends who brought food while I was convalescing from surgery, who called to see how I was, who visited or sent cards. It really made a difference that I had not expected at all.
My lesson in this was to find that kindness and caring in myself to respond to friends who are ill or convalescing or otherwise needing a boost -- and while I have done that a few times this year, it has not been consistent enough. I want to carry that resolve to help forward into 2014.
2. Not much really surprises me anymore, good or bad.
I confessI have been surprised by how nasty and evil people really can be as I've listened to tales about some of the people surrounding my daughter, but it's more of a despairing, horrified shocking surprise, really, to hear the stories of the squatters who have taken over her house, threatening her, stealing her phone and her car repeatedly. That she seems unable to extract herself from this situation is even more awful, and something I am powerless to do anything about.
I do not understand how someone can so deliberately take things that do not belong to them, deliberately injure or bully someone, and take what seems to be pleasure in doing so. I have never believed that people were truly bad to the core, but it appears I am wrong.
I will not be surprised when things get worse, unfortunately.
My lesson in this was to find that kindness and caring in myself to respond to friends who are ill or convalescing or otherwise needing a boost -- and while I have done that a few times this year, it has not been consistent enough. I want to carry that resolve to help forward into 2014.
2. Not much really surprises me anymore, good or bad.
I confessI have been surprised by how nasty and evil people really can be as I've listened to tales about some of the people surrounding my daughter, but it's more of a despairing, horrified shocking surprise, really, to hear the stories of the squatters who have taken over her house, threatening her, stealing her phone and her car repeatedly. That she seems unable to extract herself from this situation is even more awful, and something I am powerless to do anything about.
I do not understand how someone can so deliberately take things that do not belong to them, deliberately injure or bully someone, and take what seems to be pleasure in doing so. I have never believed that people were truly bad to the core, but it appears I am wrong.
I will not be surprised when things get worse, unfortunately.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Reverb11 - Day 19 - Lessons and Generosity
#1 Prompt: Lessons: What lessons did you learn about yourself this year?
#1 -- What did I learn about myself? Hm.
I learned that I try too hard to control an outcome, especially for others (like my daughters), and that it is not only impossible to do (at least consistently) but also very hard on me. I learned that I need to take care of myself FIRST, not last or even somewhere in the middle -- and yes, I really did learn this one and have actively been practicing that. I learned that letting something go doesn't mean that you are abandoning it/them and being cruel and heartless, but that you are accepting your own inability to change the situation. You can still love someone and let go of them.
I learned that I really do like yoga and that its benefits are visible for me.
I learned to say no more often, especially to activities or people who I don't especially enjoy being around.
I learned that if I'm going to write, it needs to become a daily practice.
And I'm sure there were a bunch of other things in there too -- certainly there were lessons like that old patience thing that kept coming back.
#2 -- Generosity. I've already written in Reverb11 about generosity and how it moved me. I am always moved by the selfless actions of others -- for instance, there is a store in downtown Red Bluff that consistently holds drawings and drives for food and clothing, and the owner works hard to give back to the community. Thank you, Jessie and The Gold Exchange, for all you do and for showing me and so many others how to give back.
There are many others in our community who generously volunteer time and service and goods, however: The Big Picture and We Shoot Ya Photography, the volunteers with PATH, and those who serve on boards and committees of organizations that help our town and county, to name a few.
Thank you for showing me generosity and kindness.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Be kind. Be true to who you are.
We watched "How to Train Your Dragon" last night, a cute animated movie, and it made me cry. (Yeah, I know. Really silly.)
It is the story of Hiccup, a young Viking whose people have been fighting all sorts of very imaginative, destructive dragons for 300 years on the Isle of Misery, where it snows 9 months of the year and hails the other three. He is not hero material and is bullied somewhat by the other kids. But he manages to make friends with a Night Fury, the most terrible of dragons, and ride it, and eventually becomes a hero. That's the short version.
I'm not even quite sure what touched me so much in this. Maybe it's a boy who followed his instincts to be kind rather than destructive, and in so doing, changed his entire culture. And it is all about love, too -- between a boy and his father, his dragon (who is sort of cat-like and also a little dog-like), and learning to be true to who he is.
We have such power to change our world by changing how we act and react to the people and events that we encounter. I know that a kind word and a pleasant smile can change a surly clerk into one who is ready to help. I know that we may never know what effect our words and actions might have on another -- sometimes it can make all the difference.
I know that the only person I can change is me, and I get to decide what kind of a person I want to be: nobody else gets to decide that. I know that I must live with the results of my decisions, but I also know that there are only a few choices that are irrevocable, even though the next choices may be different than the one I just made.
That's what this movie reminded me about, I think. And kindness won. It does, every time, even when it doesn't seem that way.
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