That it has been more than a month since my last post is embarrassing for someone who fancies herself a writer.
Ideas and comments have popped into my mind over this month, usually escaping as soon as they're formed, and unwritten on a 'to-do' list, of course. I can tell you that among them have been thoughts on aging, aches and pains, insurance, health care, mental illness, people who do simply unimaginable things, losing weight, gaining weight, travel, the ocean, friendships, and oh so many more.
I've been to the mountains four times for day-long respites from heat, tended gardens and reaped bounties from one not my own, alas, boiled many batches of hummingbird nectar for thirsty little birds who scold if the feeder is empty, and refilled thrice weekly the seed feeder both for hungry birds and the many thin deer who lick the spilled seeds from the ground, looking at me through the sliding glass door with seed-covered noses, ears cocked towards me, and huge eyes. And very thin bodies, ribs plainly showing. They are hungry this year, more than usual -- I hope we have acorns next month.
We have received Medicare cards although they're not valid until November, talked about and researched supplemental plans, dental and vision plans, and remain astonished and doubtful at those who claim they can 'pay their own way' through medical care without help from the affordable health care act.
I have read newspapers, magazines, blogs, and a couple of books. I have cooked many meals, watched carb counts at all of those, started getting fresh brown eggs from a neighbor's chickens, hosted my bunco group, cleaned house a few times, attended two plays, and talked with more girlfriends than I ever thought I'd have at one time!
I've said thank you to the universe at least morning and night, and often during the day. I have hugged my husband frequently, petted, fed and played with our kitties (indoors and out), watered my asparagus ferns and ivy geraniums which are laden with blooms and make me smile every time I go outside. I've noted that the deer are eating things they don't eat: coreopsis, vinca, aloe vera, although they still haven't touched the dusty miller nor lavender. Yet. I fill water dishes front and back daily for kitties, deer and whatever other creature needs a drink.
I am ready for summer to be done. I prefer winter's woodstove and afghan weather. I am tired of hot sun and crave cool grey skies for a change. I want rain to wash away the dust and pollen.
Right now my life feels very good: there is little drama, the health issues are minimal and controlled, we have enough of everything, and I am so, SO grateful for that. We are planning a road trip that will take us to places we haven't been and will give us the cool and the grey and the ocean and the mountains that we love, and will end with family hugs and conversation and connection.
That all will change, I know. But for now, I am grateful to be where I am and how I am.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Casting a life-long shadow: child molesters
The trial and verdict in the Jerry Sandusky case prompted a flood of memories for me, not the good kind.
Back in 1995 in Birmingham, Ala., Don Corley, a man considered by many to be a pillar of the community -- Scout leader, active church member, friend -- was convicted of child molestation and sentenced to 30 years in prison. We were members of the same church and my then-husband had worked with him on different projects involving communication and videotaping and sound. Among other church-related activities, Don led the church's Boy Scout troop, known for the number of Eagle Scouts it produced, and actively mentored the boys, including several who were from single parent households.
When he was arrested and convicted, it was a huge, horrible shock -- and in our household even more so because our daughter had not only attended school with the victims but had been close friends with at least one.
These wonderful young people had had their lives changed forever by the sick perversion of a man who preyed on boys in what was considered to be a safe place, just as Sandusky did.
Corley's victims have created a website with information about Corley and possible parole, and are devoted to making sure the man serves his entire sentence. It has a great deal of information about child molesters as well. I applaud their bravery and acknowledgement of how this crime has impacted their lives, and their work to bring awareness of the issue of child molestation.
But before that, another man (who I knew fairly well) molested someone very close to me, also gathering his victims in what was thought of as a safe place, and threatening them with the loss of their families and friends should they tell, much as Sandusky did with at least one of his victims. I was unaware of the closest molestation until just a few years ago, although I knew about others who had been hurt when the man was prosecuted for molesting the five-year-old daughter of friends -- others, who we knew of, did not choose to be part of that case, unfortunately. He served a very light prison sentence, released early for 'good behavior.' I now know more details of his behavior than I wish I knew.
Like the children molested by Corley and Sandusky, these young boys and girls bear lifelong scars. Even now the memory haunts and taunts at least one victim, causing severe mental distress and vocal and physical hallucinations, despite therapy and medication.
I find it difficult to even consider forgiving such acts. While I understand it is an illness, there is no acceptable excuse to molest children, ever.
And while the families of the perpetrators may have been blindsided and horrified, there are also always signs, looking back, that they either chose not to see or that they took pains to overlook for any number of reasons -- financial or social, for instance. They bear a different kind of responsibility and grief and remorse.
But we all have a duty to be watchful of the children we know, to listen to what they say, to teach them how to respond and to be honest, to help them understand that there are indeed bad people in their worlds but that they should not be afraid to tell a parent or a counselor or a pastor or a friend if they are being hurt.
I pray for the victims of Sandusky and Corley and the unnamed man, but I cannot bring myself to pray for those sick, twisted men, to grant them the release of forgiveness from any source. Justice in these instances will never really happen, no matter how long their prison terms.
Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime. --Herbert Ward
If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
by Diane Loomans
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.
I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.
Back in 1995 in Birmingham, Ala., Don Corley, a man considered by many to be a pillar of the community -- Scout leader, active church member, friend -- was convicted of child molestation and sentenced to 30 years in prison. We were members of the same church and my then-husband had worked with him on different projects involving communication and videotaping and sound. Among other church-related activities, Don led the church's Boy Scout troop, known for the number of Eagle Scouts it produced, and actively mentored the boys, including several who were from single parent households.
When he was arrested and convicted, it was a huge, horrible shock -- and in our household even more so because our daughter had not only attended school with the victims but had been close friends with at least one.
These wonderful young people had had their lives changed forever by the sick perversion of a man who preyed on boys in what was considered to be a safe place, just as Sandusky did.
Corley's victims have created a website with information about Corley and possible parole, and are devoted to making sure the man serves his entire sentence. It has a great deal of information about child molesters as well. I applaud their bravery and acknowledgement of how this crime has impacted their lives, and their work to bring awareness of the issue of child molestation.
But before that, another man (who I knew fairly well) molested someone very close to me, also gathering his victims in what was thought of as a safe place, and threatening them with the loss of their families and friends should they tell, much as Sandusky did with at least one of his victims. I was unaware of the closest molestation until just a few years ago, although I knew about others who had been hurt when the man was prosecuted for molesting the five-year-old daughter of friends -- others, who we knew of, did not choose to be part of that case, unfortunately. He served a very light prison sentence, released early for 'good behavior.' I now know more details of his behavior than I wish I knew.
Like the children molested by Corley and Sandusky, these young boys and girls bear lifelong scars. Even now the memory haunts and taunts at least one victim, causing severe mental distress and vocal and physical hallucinations, despite therapy and medication.
I find it difficult to even consider forgiving such acts. While I understand it is an illness, there is no acceptable excuse to molest children, ever.
And while the families of the perpetrators may have been blindsided and horrified, there are also always signs, looking back, that they either chose not to see or that they took pains to overlook for any number of reasons -- financial or social, for instance. They bear a different kind of responsibility and grief and remorse.
But we all have a duty to be watchful of the children we know, to listen to what they say, to teach them how to respond and to be honest, to help them understand that there are indeed bad people in their worlds but that they should not be afraid to tell a parent or a counselor or a pastor or a friend if they are being hurt.
I pray for the victims of Sandusky and Corley and the unnamed man, but I cannot bring myself to pray for those sick, twisted men, to grant them the release of forgiveness from any source. Justice in these instances will never really happen, no matter how long their prison terms.
Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime. --Herbert Ward
If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
by Diane Loomans
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.
I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.
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