Acquiring wisdom: acceptance and change

Y'know, sometimes even when you do all you can, it just isn't enough.

You lose a deal you've worked hard to make fly. Somebody else gets the promotion you were in line to get. You eat right, exercise, and get coronary disease anyway, or osteoporosis, or a host of other medical ills. The house next door sells in two days, and yours--just as nice-- takes six months -- and you're the one who's moving out of state -- he's staying in town.

It's hard not to take it personally, to wonder what else you could have done, to feel rejected and angry and hurt. To question your ability, or your destiny.

It's the old 'shoulda-coulda-woulda' thinking: I 'should' have done this; I 'could' have done that; I 'would' have changed this.

In the end, the outcome is still the same.

So how do you cope with the ice weasels that whisper what a loser you are, or how you always screw things up, or that nobody wants to be your friend.

Bad ice weasels!

Having a pity party for a day is okay, where you eat comfort food and watch movies, where you don't get out of your jammies, or even out of bed if you don't feel like it.

But that's all. Then you gotta climb out of that pity pit and figure out what comes next.

Analyze the situation -- UNemotionally (my personal mountain) -- to see if there is anything to be learned from it -- is there something you can do to mitigate the results? How do you keep from putting yourself in the same situation? What are other options?

Sometimes we are so busy staring at the closed door that we don't see the open window. Open your eyes. Open your hearts and minds.

Stop beating yourself up. Sometimes you must take responsibility for actions or inactions. But sometimes there is nothing you could have done to change the outcome. Accept that. Let it be.

Over the years, in many situations such as these, I've learned a few things: change is the only constant. That critical judge in my head is the harshest one I'll ever encounter, and he's wrong. If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. I am powerless over people, places, and things. I make my own destiny.

I have to go through the Monday morning quarterbacking, though, nearly every time, and tell the ice weasels to shut up and go to sleep. I have to examine the remains to see what I can learn -- sort of like CSI investigators. And then, most importantly and the most difficult, I have to accept, change my actions if necessary, and let it be.

It's hard. I've done it a thousand times. You'd think it'd get easier.