Meeting expectations

So I've just finished an e-mail newsletter that I'd promised to get done, even though it's after 11 p.m., the day has been busy and frustrating, and it started with yet another open-mouthed session in the dentist's chair.

I'm meeting expectations. Whose? Mine, alas. Oh, there are a few folks who'd be a little bent out of shape if I didn't do it, or if I were any later doing it, but even if they made comments to me, it's nothing compared to how I judge myself.

I've got lots of "to-do" items on my list that also involve meeting my own expectations. Some won't get done when I want them to. Some may never get done (I'm beginning to LIKE landscaping featuring red dirt and weeds). But I'll probably manage most of them, doing some of them well, some of them adequately, and probably a few that I throw together at the last minute.

Part of it is prioritizing. There simply have been issues that have arisen today -- when I'd planned to get this job done -- that took priority (nasty taxes and estate issues). Family and health issues always land at the top of the heap, even when it is extremely inconvenient. That's the most important thing in my world...family and health and friends, and as it should be.

Business comes next, although I'll confess it sometimes takes a backseat to volunteer stuff when I'm facing deadlines. But it pays the bills, and it needs to occupy a big chunk of my mind. This last year I've given it short shrift as I've dealt with grief and estate duties and more grief, but I'm on again, and need to get back into that groove. If there were expectations to be met in that arena this year, they either were met or weren't met: I did what I could do with what I had.

That personal judge guy who lives in my head sure rules a lot of my decisions, though, and has a very loud voice. I keep trying to shut him up, like I do the ice weasels (okay, only sometimes can I shut them up), but often it doesn't work very well. I guess I'm better at it, but I hope one of these days to throw him out completely.

I'm trying to temper my expectations of myself with some reality checks and determine what reasonably can and cannot be done. Some days it works pretty well. Other days, like today, I just slog ahead until I can cross it off. One more thing I don't have to do tomorrow.

And I'm rewarding myself by going to bed.