Such a mixed few days -- roller coaster emotions. Not fun.
We spent some time this weekend with a former colleague in Davis -- talking, eating (of course), laughing, visiting on Sunday with other former colleagues.
But in the middle of an interesting tour of the UC-Davis campus, we got a phone call from daughter number 1 telling us that she could not find daughter number 3 -- yes, the one who went just a week ago to Birmingham. R was very worried and went to the apartment where V was staying, to a friend's house to see if they knew, and then, we found out, had a policeman friend check out the accidents and hospitals. Nada.
Today we found out that V has returned to CA to be with her boyfriend. The same one she left just two weeks ago, claiming she was done, couldn't stand this and that, etc.
Oh, it's got lots of twists and tangles and dark corners. Bottom line: we still believe this is not in her best interests and that it will come off the rails again at some point.
Parents, do not make the mistake of thinking that once your kid hits 18 and is out of high school that you can stop worrying about them. What happens is that stakes in the MIStakes are much higher, and they haven't held your hand crossing the street for a long time. In fact, they tend to snarl a bit if the hand is offered -- unless, of course, it is holding money.
Ours won't be extended nor offering money any more.
Grown children are entitled to make their own mistakes and find their way out of the tangles without interference from their parents. In fact, if they are to grow in maturity and figure out who they are and what they want, parents need to let them fall.
It's just hard to watch. Especially when it happens over and over and over.
We hope things work out. But I don't think we'll be asking many questions, nor do I think there will be much communication for a while at all.
Disappointment is too mild a word for this feeling. Heartsick is closer.
An anniversary week
Seems the last week in March isn't very good for my family. Three years ago one uncle died this week after a long illness. A year ago my Uncle Tom died after an accidental fall. Yesterday another uncle died, also after a long illness.
There is still much sadness about Tom. When a loved one dies, as did my mother, from complications of a long illness, it is almost a relief -- and certainly a blessing that they are not in pain or suffering any longer. Oh, I don't mean to understate the grief, for it is certainly difficult to lose anyone you love, but I've often said in this venue and others that I wouldn't wish Mother back for a single day as she was -- I am so glad she doesn't suffer anymore. In that regard, death is a blessing and a natural end to a live well lived.
Tom's death, though, is much harder to reconcile. He died from such a freaky accident and at far too young and vigorous an age. There is no blessing that I can see in it, other than he died doing what he loved and believed in. I don't know what to say to my cousins and aunt except how sorry I am and that this, too, shall pass (which it WILL. Eventually pain becomes manageable, if not gone. This is the blessing of time and one's mind.)
So another March is going out with a death in the family. I pray that April will bring healing.