Thursday, July 03, 2008

What lies beneath

Our daughters are not in good places tonight: princess 3's baby Gabriel, at barely 3 weeks, is in the hospital with some sort of infection that manifested last night with a fever. She is still on meds for her own pneumonia, and just recovering from a C-section. We are holding them both in our hearts and minds, and will go hug her tomorrow.

Princess 1 is just struggling with her illness and self-esteem, and today has not been a particularly good one. This is the baby I raised, loved, nourished, and cherished, as I do today. Our babies may grow up, but they're still the children we so want to have a good life, a calm, happy life. I know I am powerless to do anything more than encourage and talk and love, but I hope that will help.

And I've just been socked upside the head the past few days with blogs about the ice weasels that I mentioned yesterday, and two lovely ones today from Lunaea and Joanna about gratitude. Others have their own battles and demons -- and it is interesting that many are feeling especially vulnerable right now.

And tonight I watched an episode of Oprah about the law of attraction, one I hadn't watched previously that was broadcast sometime last week, I think, which was another message about gratitude and asking the universe for what you need and want. I've been talking about this to the girls and my friends for some time now, and I wholeheartedly believe it works.

But one of the interesting things in this program was the statement "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."

That is true. I've seen it over and over. I've experienced it. In fact, the things I learned from one of my "teachers" are what brought me to California nearly 11 years ago, and that teacher - among a few others - came from an extremely unlikely place: an Internet chat room on an "adult" site.

From those amazing, interesting, extremely literate and literary, caring people, I learned so much about myself and what I wanted from my life, and began to make changes to make it happen. But I was ready for change, although I didn't really know it at the time, and I was ready to hear what they had to teach me, although I didn't recognize them as teachers until later. I believe the gathering of those particular people in that particular chat room that particular summer was one of those convergence miracles -- and I don't think I was the only one whose life was changed because of it.

The Oprah program talked about vision boards as a tool for helping a person focus on what s/he wants in life: success, travel, money, friends, whatever....And I think it's time I made one. I've visioned before, but in words and in my mind. It's time to really put my dreams out there to see and to ponder.

You can find information about vision boards here and here.

And on my board I'm going to have pictures of my girls, happy, healthy, with loving partners and healthy children, and enough of everything to sustain them. There will be a cover of the book I want to write. A couple of cities I'd like to see. AndI don't know what else yet....

But at the center will be gratitude...thank yous for the cool water I'm sipping, the soft sheets that await me in my snug bedroom, for the loving mate who is my heart's delight and was one of my first visions manifested these 11 years ago. I am always and forever grateful for the teachers who encouraged and inspired and introduced me to the power of listening to my heart, of believing in my true self and letting that person loose to live and love and now, perhaps, to teach others.

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