Tuesday, December 03, 2013

Reverb13: Day 3. Listening to my heart, bravely....

Today's prompts:

1. Today, I want to share with you a life-changing practice I discovered with the help of Rachael Maddox during her gorgeous Do It Meaningfully challenge.
     Each day for 31 days, I sat quietly for a few moments with my eyes closed and my hand on my heart and asked, “Heart: what do you need?”   And then I listened. Sometimes the answer cam in the form of a word. Sometimes an image. Sometimes a sensation.
Try this today. What does your heart have to tell you?
2. Brave: What was the bravest thing you did in 2013?  

 The first prompt is going to take some practice, although I have been working with my chakras, especially the heart chakra, over this last year. This exercise is an insightful, powerful meditation, however, not unlike the one where you stare into a mirror, focusing on your left eye, and saying, "I love you, Beth," -- obviously substituting your own name. That one will often bring me to the puddly state in only a few minutes, and it is renewing and reaffirming and loving. I suspect the heart exercise will reveal similar feelings.

I think my heart needs more regular exercise, more loving thoughts rather than scary, stressful worries, and more activities that make me happy. I'll let you know what I discover.

The bravest thing I did in 2013 was to resign as my daughter's representative payee for Social Security Disability. That put an entirely different vibe on our relationship and drew very specific, explicit boundaries for how I deal with her.

A lovely friend sent me this quote the other day: "Boundaries. I have to set limits for my own wellness, and even though I may say no to you, it doesn't mean it's even about you. I'm just taking care of me."

 We are nearly through this separation process and I am trying to be supportive without enabling, loving without expectations, and to accept that her wishes do not necessarily coincide with my own. By resigning that last bit of control over her life, I have allowed her to move forward on her own path without me hovering, and allowed me to follow my own desires and wishes without feeling obligated to save her first -- a mother's instinct, to be sure, but one that needs to end with the child's adulthood. That act of separation was hard. IS hard. And it is absolutely essential to both of our spiritual journeys. ''

Light a candle for each of us, please. It helps to know I am supported by friends and family, and that she also is in her own journey, wherever it may lead. 

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