Being where you are

I've been reminded three times today about the critical importance of being where you are; that is, not trying to wish the day or the situation you're facing away, but moving through it to get to the other side, even when doing so is very painful. Putting your head in the sand and not dealing with it simply prolongs the pain and the process, and your individual growth.

The first reminder was the Daily Om, a sort of daily meditation that I have in my inbox every morning that so frequently is exactly what I need to hear.

The second was an e-mail from Julia who recounted what she'd told her children about our friend Kay's death (yes, she died Friday) -- that it was okay to feel so terribly sad and that it hurts very much to lose a close friend (or family member, or a much loved pet). She acknowledges the loss and sorrow, and is walking through it rather than around it.

And the third was a column in today's Red Bluff Daily News by columnist and blogger Scott Q. Marcus who writes about the speed with which time passes. He reminds us too that when we struggle and complain about events, time seems to slow down and last forever while the good things flash by so quickly.

Must be a lesson I need to hear again, hm?

When all we can think of is how good things are going to be when we

• lose that 20 pounds
• get a better job and more money
• find the perfect mate or date
  
• can afford to buy a house
• finish school or relocate
  

or whatever we anticipate will change our life for the better... we miss what is going on around us. We miss today's sunsets, today's hugs, today's gift of getting out of bed and feeling good. Or even bad, and then feeling better. It's a day gone that we cannot ever get back.

When we stay in the moment, being where we are (even if it is not where we'd like to be), we can accomplish so much: we can work on one step to further a goal like the above, we can fully enjoy a bright spot in an otherwise blah day, we can notice the interesting person standing with us in the long grocery line (that could lead to something wonderful). Oh, sometimes you just have to walk through the day when it's a real chore to put one foot in front of the other, but if you can do that and just be with whatever it is you're doing, you've accomplished quite a lot.

Zen tradition says that when you wash dishes, just wash dishes (don't focus on the cup of tea that awaits you when you're through). When you focus on each moment, one at a time, that moment is perfect and complete, right where you are supposed to be. In the next moment, you respond to the next logical step, the "next right thing," and fully be in that moment. You put your fears and worries aside one moment at a time so that you can "be where you are" and fully experience what is happening, and ONLY what is happening. As the moments evolve into days and the days into weeks and months and then years, you are living fully and completely, and not wasting it.

Great theory. It even works.

I have tried to live that way for some 24 years now, but I am only a novice. My "monkey mind" so often takes over (monkey mind=where your thoughts swing from one to another to another, as a monkey swings from branch to branch). So I bring my attention back, gently, without judgment (oh yeah-- another struggle) to the moment and keep trying.

You deal with anxiety and pain and loss and sorrow just like that: one moment at a time, experiencing it fully. You deal with joy and happiness and pleasure one moment at a time, and fully experience that. You lose nothing of life and its lessons that way, and you become who you really are, one moment at a time.