Thursday, August 30, 2007

Anxieties and deadlines

I woke with free-floating anxiety this morning, and several phone calls and e-mails later, I still have it, actually more of it.

There's not one thing I can do about any of it, either, except just move ahead with my deadlines, which are looming and need my attention -- all of it -- this afternoon.

I'm grateful to have good writing work to do, and stuff that's reasonably interesting and fun to do. I love the challenge of putting the right words with the task, and especially with one of them, it will require that I get out of MY head entirely and into another demographic altogether. That's fun.

Read a really good post by Dianne Sylvan: she says, in essence, that there is no "give" without "take." To make way for new, you give up something already there.

Our recent changes have required us to do that -- actually, every choice we make requires that you examine the new and the old, and choose which you want. When we made the decision to get out of real estate and go back into a "regular" job, we gave up -- or Tony did -- the ability to control his working hours. We gave up being able to work across the room from each other. We believe that what we gain -- not the least of which is health insurance that is less expensive than our previous option -- is worth it, at least for now.

In an e-mail the other day, a nugget of truth was surrounded by a bunch of other stuff. That nugget was "Don't spend major time with minor people."

That's not to belittle anyone as being minor; simply, we have a cast of characters in our individual lives who play major roles -- spouses, children, family members, close friends, boss. And then there are those acquaintances with whom we sit on a committee, the people we see when we're out and about in town but don't know very well, the neighbors three streets over and down the block who we wave to when they ride past. They don't know US; we don't know them.
In our lives, that acquaintance is minor.

Generally, it takes very little to disrupt what is an unusually tranquil existence out here, which means that a ripple can feel much larger than it really is. I think I'm feeling ripples from people who I care about, but ripples which really aren't mine to deal with -- I didn't cause 'em, have little influence over 'em, and while the outcome may affect me, most are not showstoppers. They're potholes, not collapsed bridges.
Did you see the full moon the last couple of nights? The Celtic name is Dispute Moon; the Dakotah Sioux name is Moon when All Things Ripen. It feels ripe, it feels unsettled. I'm glad to be going into September and the countdown to the end of hot days. Yes, I know there's another month or more to go, but the end is in sight, and rain and cool will be here sooner than later. I'm done with summer. (I say that every year about this time.)

Is it going to be an early winter? The acorns are already falling in abundance and the deer are not gaunt this year. The trees have looked distressed for a while with the heat, and I can't think that there will be good color -- it's been so dry.

Did it sprinkle on you yesterday and today? I got a little in town, but not out here. And the humidity is not thrilling me either.


Enjoy your long weekend if you get one.

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