It feels like so many things in my life and around me are up in the air, and I've never done limbo very well. And yes, the gray skies and rain that I so wanted have been here for several days, although sun is peeking through as i write, but gray skies and rain also can exacerbate moodiness, and I'm fighting it a bit.
Partly it's the cold that I'm getting over, and am very grateful that it did not get any worse than it did and that I can taste again. But it makes me tired and without much energy, and I've taken naps the last few days, something that is pretty rare for me.
Partly it is waiting for the results of a health test that I'll likely know about tomorrow. While I truly, deeply, do not think anything is terribly amiss, I think there could be some medication changes and possibly further testing. It -- or at least the what-if factor -- maks me feel terribly mortal and more than a little fragile, and that is never a good place to be.
And partly it is looking at all the bits and pieces of projects that need to be completed, few of which will take a long time, and just not wanting to tackle any of them. There are certainly more than a few that indeed will take time and effort,, like cleaning out the attic, but that's not one that is right under my nose. No, it's the scraps and bits of Christmas still left in the spare bedroom and the messy shelves in the laundry room that need to be tidied and stuff thrown away. I'm heading for the bedroom in a few minutes to at least clean off the floor.
And it's January, never my favorite month. The music and falala of the holidays are over, and it's on to hoping that we get enough rain to fill up the lakes and water tables and lessen the summer fire danger, and realizing that we have only a few more months to do that. While I love the freshness of spring, I'm not ready for the outdoor work that really needs to be done this year.
I know all this will pass and the test will be what it is and I'll adapt however I must. I know that Tony's last full-time day is less than a month away now, and that his long-awaited retirement will soon be here. I'm glad for that change, even though it also brings with it the acknowledgement that we are indeed in our 'golden' years, hopefully with many more good ones ahead of us to share.
What I know for sure: nothing lasts, everything changes. So it is with my life, so it is with yours.
“We're all just walking each other home.” ― Ram Dass