Thursday, December 12, 2013

Reverb13: Day 12. Jumping into truth?

1.I'm a big fan of muddy experiences. They become our greatest teachers when we're wise enough to exfoliate with them; roll around in the deep until we finally feel ready to get clean. 
Today, identify something muddy that kept recurring for you throughout 2013, and then ask yourself this: What's the clear truth underneath this damn mud if I finally wash myself clean?
2. Free writing | Write for five consecutive minutes on the word "jump" as it pertains to this past year.  No editing.  Set a timer.  Just write.

1. Two things became clear to me this year, after muddling about, mudding about with them for most of the year, probably more than that, actually.
When I regularly exercise, I feel stronger and more stable on my feet. We're not talking huge weight machines and stuff, just cycling and walking and doing leg lifts and stepups and balance work, and I like the whole body machine at the rehab gym too. I hate going to the gym. But I feel better when I do it and finally see the whole point. Now getting back on track is key here, and I'm still not doing that. So many excuses.

2. Jump. I don't jump much physically anymore although I did a little of it during my rehab sessions. I am, however, pretty good at jumping to conclusions, usually far more dire conclusions than reality actually turns out to be. I jumped to several of those this year where it concerns my daughter, partly because I hear only her perspective, usually on a day when she is really not doing well, or I don't hear from her at all and begin to picture really awful scenarios -- and lately, with what I know is true and from what she has told me, some of those scenarios might be far closer to the truth than I would like to believe. 
Controlling that imagination that is based on so little actual evidence is a huge challenge for me, and pretty much always has been. I do jump too readily to the worst case possibilities. I'd like to work on not jumping at all, just staying right where I am, in this moment, focusing on the breath, on my energy, on taking one moment at a time, since there is NOTHING I can change about anybody else's life. I can change what I do, however, and how high, how far, how frequently I jump. So for me, at this moment, it's 'left foot, right foot, left foot, BREATHE.' Not jump.

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